UnNews:I'm not plotting to steal Ming The Merciless's job, Dr Doom tells Space Villain conference
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I'm not plotting to steal Ming The Merciless's job, Dr Doom tells Space Villain conference
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Friday, May 6, 2016, 11:33:UTC)(
19 September 2007
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SUPER VILLAIN AND ARCH ENEMY of the Fantastic Four Dr. Doom today fired up the row over the Space Villain leadership by declaring he was in the race to succeed Ming The Merciless, arch enemy of Flash Gordon. The "elaborate doomsday weapon" spokesman insisted he was not plotting to oust Ming. But he said he would be a contender "if he were, by chance, to be cast into a moon volcano by Flash Gordon or Buck Rogers".
Dr Doom, 40, has long been regarded as one of the most likely successors to Ming The Merciless, emporer of the planet Mongo, but this is the first time he has so publicly revealed his ambition. His comments blew apart attempts by allies of Ming, 166, to dampen down discussions about his long-term future, which have dominated the Brighton based conference.
Supporters have dismissed claims that potential successors have been using the conference to undermine Ming by hatching elaborate plots to destroy the world. It is a well known and established "party line" that Ming wishes to rule the planet with an "iron fist of fear and oppression" and not destroy it with "some sort of black hole bomb".
"Any suggestion of destroying the Earth / solar system / universe is a blatant challenge to Ming's authority.", said The Mekon, big headed arch nemesis of Dan Dare and a vociferous supporter of Ming, last night.
"However, if by chance Ming The Merciless were to be lost forever into a 7th dimension then I would certainly throw my, rather oversized, hat into the ring." he added.
Dr Doom's intervention reveals the extent to which the party is already looking to the "post Ming" era. Asked at a fringe meeting to state his intentions, Doom replied: "if you are asking me would I stand by whilst Ming The Merciless fell screaming into a pit of plasma fire, the answer is yes, of course I would."
However, he stressed there were no plans for an immediate challenge and pledged his loyalty to Ming and his minions of the planet Mongo. "He is, after all, already the supreme emperor of an entire planet whereas I am but a simple mad scientist with a metal face."
Ming has not helped his cause by a series of gaffes which saw him being photographed out on the town with Luke Skywalker, smoking cannabis with Han Solo and Indiana Jones and, at one point, declaring he was "sympathetic to gay and lesbian issues" and "scared stiff of mice".
As well as Dr Doom, genocidal spokesman Darth Vader and Lex Luthor, Mings' chief of staff, are both thought likely to run for the leadership. Vader was unavailable for comment and was last seen struggling against the inherent "goodness" within his soul.
- (bmbmbmbmbmbmbmbmbmbmbmbmb) "(bmbmbmbmbmbmbmbmbmbmbmbmb)FLASH (boom) AIEEYAHHH". HE SAVED EVERY ONE OF US!(bmbmbmbmbmbmbmbmbmbmbmbmb), September 19, 2007