Hurricane Beta released
Straight talk, from straight faces
Thursday, May 5, 2016, 03:13:UTC)(
Implemented with Sony's proprietary Betamax™ technology, Hurricane Beta is still in beta-testing and due to its premature release is expected to be somewhat unstable.
As it is expected to crash in Central America as a Category Two storm, thousands of Nicaraguans are being evacuated ahead of the arrival of Hurricane Beta's Blue Screen of Death. The control, alt and delete keys are being pre-positioned for immediate operation when this latest Microsoft-inspired disaster makes landfall.
In Colombia, Beta's high winds have already ripped the roofs from low-lying wooden homes on the mountainous Caribbean island of Providencia, while Columbia Broadcasting System staff took refuge in brick shelters built on high ground.
Hurricane Beta's path is becoming hard to predict as anxious homeowners attempt to pause and rewind the storm to get back to the point before their houses were destroyed. "Just let me pause the storm for long enough to use the washroom," residents in the Hurricane Beta test-market were prone to remark.
Due to the shortcomings of the Betamax™ platform, total running time of Hurricane Beta is expected to be a mere 4.5 hours, as compared to the eight-hour duration of its VHS counterpart. Nonetheless, Sony insists, Hurricane Beta packs a whallop of damage into this shortened run time.
The DVD consortium was unavailable for comment, but appears to be looking for ways to region-code the storm so that it misses their houses.
- Caribbean hurricane network
- Hurricane advisories
- Beta upgraded to hurricane
- Hurricane Beta strengthens
|2005 Atlantic hurricane season|