UnNews:Hugo Chavez shuts down TV station that criticized him replaces it with new one staffed by Rosie O'Donnell

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Latest revision as of 05:20, September 17, 2012

This article is part of UnNews UnNews Logo Potato1 Your source for up-to-the-microsecond misinformation.

27 May 2007

HugoUniformado

Hugo Chavez gives his secret police a fisted salute. Claims he is not a military dictator, shuts down TV station that criticized him, but claims to support free speech.

MARACAS, Venezuela -- Hugo Chavez canceled the license of RCTV, a Venezuelan TV station that criticized Chavez, the station having describe him as 'having bad taste in military clothing.' Chavez claims that Venezuela is the best nation in the world for free speech and he will prove it, by withdrawing the normal price for talking, as well as shutting down RCTV and replacing it with ROTV. He totally fucked it up and, along with Rosie O'Donnell, is planning to blow it up around July 2007 after his pussy dummy spit.

Rosie O'Donnell will run the new ROTV (Rosie O'Donnell TV) as the new minister of propaganda & station manager(double pay, plus stock options). Rosie will cover such topics as "George W. Bush is the devil" as well as other issues, like "Is George Bush Satan?" and "The evidence of Satan - George Bush," and many other topics.

Rossie

Hugo Chavez appointed Rosie O'Donnell as his minister of propaganda and station manager.

The employees of the former RCTV station will be sent to concentration camps re-education centers, where they will be terminated murdered trained for new jobs away from the public eye. Hugo Chavez claims that George W. Bush and the USA's CIA were behind the RCTV being critical of him, but has noticibly changed his wardrobe and hair stylist.

In a copycat move, Bush announced plans to shut down the ABC network and replace it with RushTV run by fellow Conservative Rush Limbaugh, a move that Rush described as "Deranged. Wait...is the mike on?" FCC and Congress blocked such a move, a representative saying, "It turns out that in a real Democracy there is a system of checks and balances to prevent abuse," as if narrating for this news story.

In response to the recent turmoil, Chavez claimed to be "A-Ok. I'm number one." When asked about the people protesting and throwing riots in the background, Chevez responded, "Is conspiracy. Have some ham. Bloody military campaing may be needed." UnNews asked him if he held a trial for RCTV to prove their guilt, but he just smiled and said "Court trials for terrorists? Haha, I know they are guilty, like terrorists in Guantanamo bay. No trial for terrorists. Wait...are you a terrorist?" The UnNews reporter has now ceased contact.

In response to these protests and riots, Chavez withheld oil from his Citgo company to the USA, causing a bit of a shortage, and had Citgo raise the price of gas in the USA at their stations to almost four dollars a gallon. He claims that when winter comes, he will offer cheap oil to poor people to heat their homes again in a political compassionate way to brainwash people help out the unsuspecting suckers poor oppressed people of the USA, again.

Update: Hugo Chavez announces he will create his own brand of PC while his citizens protest the closing of RCTV.

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