UnNews:Hu's laughing now?
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
|This article is part of UnNews||Your source for up-to-the-microsecond misinformation.|
7 August 2008
edit Hu’s Laughing Now?
==== The US president has hit out at China's human rights record on the eve of the Olympic games. George Bush issued a blunt rebuke of China's repression of dissidents and called on Beijing to grant its people greater freedom. ====
Speaking in the Thai capital, Bangkok, on Thursday just hours before heading to Beijing to attend the Olympics opening ceremony, Bush said "Amerca stands in firm operation to China's dissention of political dissidents, human rights avocados and religious reactivists"
"We speak out for a free press, freedom of assembly lines, and labour rights not to agonise China's leaders, but because trusting its people with greater freedom is the
american only way for China to develop its full potency.”
"And we press for openness and justice not to impose our beliefs in jesus and the almighty free market, but to allow the Chinese people to express theirs, in the lord christ. Us and the China men share many commonalities, many Chinese Indians also enjoy freedom."
Chinese officials have responded defensively to Bush’s criticisms.
Johan Spangerletz’n Official spokesman of Chinese President Hu Jintao, has said that initially the Chinese premier found the comments quite amusing – “most likely the imperfect translation of Bush’s speech made it seem to President Hu, that Bush was sharing a very good joke with the Chinese government,” Mr. Spangerletz’n told us, “he was laughing for quite some time. The moment when he realised the American President was serious… his face, it just dropped. It was heartbreaking.”
President Hu’s shock was swiftly replaced by anger. The word leaked from the news taps in China has suggested that Hu cursed the American President, who he had previously played golf with. It is thought that Hu felt he and Bush had an affinity in their battles against dissidents.
There have been several unconfirmed reports that the Chinese army has been mobilised by the President.
American political aide Paul Wolfowitz added fuel to the fire of tension. “We have certain knowledge that certain Chinese senior officials may have, or may not have, issued the order to set at ready the missiles over which they have control, or may not have control. At this stage however we cannot be certain, and thus we must be in a state of high readiness to react.” Wolfowitz said. He further recommended that defence contractors would require urgent funds to prepare for this impending possibility of a possible threat which could exist.
The Chino-American war is expected to begin sometime next week, analysts have suggested next Friday seems likely.