UnNews:How Apple can mess with your life
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
2 August 2009
North America, USA, California, Silicon Valley
Apple when creating the Macintosh and iPhone decided that people were too stupid to make their own decisions. Then the App Store Programs were developed to tell users what to do and what not to do for their own good.
In a bar, I ordered a drink, and the bartender poured it for me into a glass. Oliver a man next to me, was telling me that I had an an 8. I was not sure what he meant was he coming on to me or did he mean something else? He explained that the bartender poured me 8 ounces of beer and his iPhone said to stop that 6 ounces. He has an app that tells him how much to drink and still be able to drive a car. He called it his Computer Wife.
"So your iPhone tells you when to stop drinking?" I asked. He replied "I am also on a diet and my iPhone tells me my calorie count and when to stop eating." I drank a sip and was down to 6 ounces, and I said "How does that work?" he replied "It is called a calorie app and it stops me from becoming a fatty fat fatty by counting calories and telling me when to stop eating."
"So basically these applications you buy tell you what to do and what not to do?" and he said "Yeah I basically worked for Apple for 25 years and I used to tell the backend computers what to do, and now my iPhone tells me what to do. Ain't it great?" I took another sip and was down to 4 ounces, and said "So what happened to you?" and Oliver said "The machines always took priority and I was working 80 hours a week and hardly had any time for myself. Without the backend systems, Apple wouldn't be able to do anything." I spoke "So the machines had you at their mercy?" and Oliver said "They had me at their mercy but now I am trying to find a life beyond what I had." I took another sip and was down to 2 ounces.
"So what do you do for fun?" I asked, and Oliver replied "Oh I just run these applications and do whatever they say. It is fun, you ought to try it." I took my last sip, and was still sober according to the iPhone iAlcohol app, "No thanks, I like to make my own decisions and don't want someone or something else making them for me."
"Well," Oliver stated, "I'm off to see the rest of the world." and took off, how strange he was, usually when some object tells you what to do it is bad but in this case it was good?