UnNews:Horner Eating Spaghetti Now, No Longer Good Boy
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Horner Eating Spaghetti Now, No Longer Good Boy
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Friday, May 22, 2015, 08:45 (UTC)
3 January 2012
Cambridge, England - Medical students at the University of Cambridge were met with a gruesome sight as they returned from Christmas break. As students walked in to an anatomy class, they saw three students - Jim Horner, the great-great grandson of the famed Jack Horner, Darin Weeks, and Greg Thurman sitting at a table eating spaghetti. However, the three students were not eating their meal from a plate or bowl. The three decided that it would be funny to line the cavity of a cadaver with aluminum foil, and when the other students walked in, the three were eating pasta and meatballs from the stomach of a deceased person who had donated his body to science.
The other students were thoroughly disgusted at the foul sight and several of them had to make quick trips to the restroom to keep from loosing their breakfasts in the anatomy lab.
Julie Hart, a student from Palo Alto, California who witnessed the prank, said, "That was like, grodi to the max. Like, totally gag me with a spoon. I mean, like, who would, like, do something, like, so totally pukealicious."
Professor Thurgood, Dean of the College of Medicine, does not know yet what consequences the three pranksters will face. "I say," he said, "I jolly well appreciate a good joke as well as the next chap, but these three blokes have gone too far. Unfortunately, there is nothing in the university's code of conduct that explicitly prohibits eating spaghetti out of a corpse. We'll have to look at what to do, but if I get my way, Horner and the others will get a swift boot in the blow-off port. Blimey, but students these days are complete buffoons.
Thurgood was especially distressed about the incident because the cadaver had belonged to a former colleague of his, Professor Plum, who had met an untimely demise at the hands of Miss Scarlet in the study with a candlestick.
An anonymous poem related to the incident had begun to circulate through the campus email. It read:
Little Jim Horner
Sat in a corner,
Eating is post-Christmas chow;
He stuck in his thumb
Ate a meatball from Plum,
And now he's gonna be kicked out.