UnNews:Hopes for a FlyingFeline audio fails, UnNews rigs for war
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|This article is part of UnNews||Where man always bites dog|
29 October 2006
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UnNews Secret HQ, The Interweb
Weeks of delicate negotiation fails as open hostilities looks closer than ever. Dozens of worried listeners gathered around the central UnNews hive as angry shouts could be clearly heard from within.
"I tell you again!" one could clearly heard the famous throaty drawl of the UnNews chaplain, Rev. Zim "She will not receive any special treatment for being a girl and a brit. NO SPECIAL TERMS HERE! Only the strong survive! Thank you for suffering!"
"I concur" the audience could hear the delicate yet decisive voice of Emanuel Goldstein's heir apparent, NeoZidane. "I see no reason to support those evil felines no matter the cost. They are vile, cruel creatures who make you feel like you're their sworn servant. I say, let them have their litter boxes and their mice. Keep UnNews for those who clearly deserve it".
A loud crack could be heard from within as Middle Eastern Reporter, Mordillo, with his usual Zionist finesse drew his revolver and started shooting indiscriminately. "I demand a recount" he shouted with his usual horrendous Israeli accent "I want a FlyingFeline audio on one of my news articles or I'll execute every motherfucking last one of you!"
Angry shouts and cats' mewling cut down the rest of the dramatic speech.
"It has been like that for some time now" said an excited bystander sipping a nice hot cup of tea "He's been acting weird for days. We were thinking maybe he stopped taking his pills or perhaps he ate some bad humus but then he started meowing at the moon. That's some creepy shit man".
UnNews military officials were described as "worried". "We don't need this" told us one of them, off the record. "We were running this smooth operation here, and this Zionist comes around and starts raising hell. No wonder they can't run their damn country straight. If the need arises, we might have to declare a state of emergency".
|This article features first-hand journalism by an UnNews correspondent.|