UnNews:Hooligans Complain of Unfair Treatment
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Hooligans Complain of Unfair Treatment
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Thursday, March 22, 2018, 14:12:UTC)(
9 June 2006
"I'ain't fair, thas whuh it ain't!" babbled Hooligans President, Sean Grimp. "Whus fooball w'out gettin wif me mates 'n havin a bit of a go, ay? Taik'n o'la fuckn fun outta th' sport, thas what they done!"
World Cup officials responded with a that they would love for their security forces to mix it up with the Hooligans, put a steel-toed boot in their nuts and pound the living shit out of them, but they're trying to project a positive public image these days. As a result, Hooligans are being quietly singled out and beaten in private."Vee feel zat der Hooligans giff us great exercise as vee schtomp zem," noted World Cup security Chief, Otto Erotika. "Zay are like mindless puppets vee can beat until vee are tired. But vee obviously can't do zat in public."
In response to the increased security focus, many Hooligans stayed home from the Cup, gorged themselves on crisps and threw piss on the wife and children. However, down-hearted, long-time Hooligan, Michael Gorner, commented, "Nah, it just ain't the same."