UnNews:Homework can cause more than Papercuts
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
|This article is part of UnNews||Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?|
22 January 2009
Homework, a vast and mysterious place, though little is known, millions and millions of years ago the first centurion battled Hannah Montana in what the world would call the big bang homework theory. Needless to say the centurion cut Hannah's head off and cast her into the abyss known today as the disney channel. And so the centurion implemented homework into the schools and offices everywhere,
Homework has been linked to suicide, depression, school shootings, death, cancer, HIV/AIDS, a gateway drug, cocaine, syphilis, ghonnerea, tourettes, typos, more homework, procrastination, rape, kidney failure, liver failure, failure, becoming a teacher and coughing. It is the reason 11/10 people wont make it to the age 20 and why Hitler started the holocaust. People claim that homework is beneficial towards a students learning, but other people disagree and have said on the record homework is in fact unbeneficial towards a students learning process and frankly besides him being a druggy dropout Im going to side with him.
In the history of homework there have been many underground cults against the homework regime. Some are more well known then others such as Vatican city, NRA, Doctors without Borders, and Disney Channel, others are much more discrete but through my careful research and consulting with the spies from several video games and movies including but not limited to Sam Fisher, Solid Snake, that dude from burn notice, Justin TImberlake I have uncovered these organizations as Planned parenthood clinics, mexicans, and the entire cast and crew of the popular TV show the Gray’s Anatomy.
In the recent past there have been many attacks of homework on the world. People recall on Nemptemper the Beleventh 2 text books smashed into the side of a bus and killed all the students instantly....after an extremely antagonizing and excruciating pain from burning and shrapnel for three weeks. There have been conspiracy theories about this having nothing to do with the text books but in fact the bus driver being drunk and carrying two open cans of gasoline while smoking a bud, but my same trusted pot-head friend who said homework was unhealthy also disagrees with this and summed it all up pretty well in 3 words: Titty bars are better on Fridays. Another case of homework attacking is when a school took a class field-trip cruise over the spring break, with the massive amount of extra weight from homework it sunk the boat crashing it into the cuba shoreline starting a nuclear war between North Korea, South Korea, Austria, The Democratic Republic of Congo and Jindoslakia, Never heard of Jindoslakia? there’s a reason....
Some claim homework is good, and it benefits students. The idea is, if you aren't willing and able to show your dedication by doing useless make-work night and day, how the fuck do you think you're going to find a job? I mean, work out this word problem, dumbfuck, if 0.000001% of the population owns 99.9999999927654% of the world's resources and makes all the laws, you'd better be willing to chop off your left nut and crawl on your belly around the floor licking up their shit in order to show you're better than the
30% 6.9% of the population who is unemployed according to official propaganda reports. Come to think of it, that's a goddamn fine idea, let's add that to the curriculum with the new school uniforms! What, you got an objection to chopping off a useless lump of tissue that only causes overpopulation, but you'll give up a tender foreskin to some kind of idiot Jew ritual??? I got your freedom of religion right here on the unemployment line, kike! And you know, you really ought to fry the thing up and eat it in public if you want any chance of getting a good credit score.
Besides, if you don't do your homework you'll waste your time watching educational shows like MANSwers and find out how to turn your barbecue grill into a bomb and blow up the school, which is why you need to be water boarded in the in school suspension room now, you terrorist scum. It's a matter of national security.
Maybe. but at what cost? Over 70^3x10/4joules of forests have been destroyed sending over 20 animals into extinction. Also with the over infatuation of the market from the extra video games, condoms and porn to distract children from the work ahead of them companies started harvesting baby panda bears to start searching for a cure to Cancer. The only possible answer to end this with as much violence as possible is to crucify one school principle everyday until homework is banned
|This article features first-hand journalism by an UnNews correspondent.|