UnNews:Holy Crap! Peter Boyle dies at 71

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Jump to: navigation, search
Nuvola apps ktip
The writer of this article has become hopelessly, helplessly stuck. If you can lend a hand, give it a push. Or, leave some advice on the talk page.
See other stuck articles in Category:Stuck articles needing a push.
Nuvola apps kopete
This article is part of UnNews UnNews Logo Potato1 Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?

14 December 2006

Peter Boyle
Holy crap!

MANHATTAN, New York -- Holy crap! The television world was shocked Wednesday to receive the news that Peter Boyle, the loveable grumpy dad from Everybody Hates Raymond, was dead. Boyle was found dead with an apparent suicide note Tuesday. He was 71. Holy crap!

Quote1 Holy crap! Quote2 ~ Doris Roberts


It is believed that Boyle committed suicide because he couldn't stand being married to Doris Roberts and felt dispondent over the end of the show's run from 1996 to 2005. He reportedly had a difficult time finding roles that didn't require him to play a grumpy old man who exclaims, "Holy Crap!" every 15 minutes. Said co-star Doris Roberts, "Holy crap! I didn't know Peter was dead. He was so fun to work with, even if he did bicker and curse a lot. Holy crap indeed."

Boyle had also been suffering heart problems and Myeloma. In 1999, Boyle suffered a heart attack which prompted him to yell, "Holy crap!" before paramedics were called to the scene. Boyle survived, but the show went into a quick hiatus. Producers almost replaced Boyle with This Guy, That Guy, or Oscar Wilde, thinking that people would be too stupid to tell the difference.

Quote1 They told me that my wife was gonna be played by Doris Roberts. I got so pissed off that I muttered, 'Holy crap!' and I was hired on the spot. Quote2 ~ Peter Boyle


Boyle left the life of a ninja to study acting, and he became one of the most successful character actors of all time, starring in everything from Young Frankenstein to Monster's Ball to The Headbangers Ball to Snakes on a Plane. Then he got the role on Raymond. In a 1999 interview, Boyle explained how he got the role of Frank Barone: "When I came in to audition and they told me that my wife was gonna be played by Doris Roberts, I got so pissed off that I muttered, 'Holy crap!' and I was hired on the spot. Holy crap, don't you just love Hollywood?"

Quote1 Holy crap, I'm embarrassing myself on UnNews! Quote2 ~ Ray Ramano


Co-stars Brad Garrett, Monica Horan, the Sweeten siblings, Fred Willard, and Georgia Engel have all commented on his death, including more "Holy craps!" than humanly possible. UnNews grabbed the exclusive comments made by star Ray Romano. Here's what Ray had to say:

"Yeah, I, uhhh, know that you, uhh, all... want me to say "Holy crap!", but I, uhh, just think it's, well, uhh... too cliche. I, uhh... think it was... a tragedy. He was such a great actor, you know? Holy crap, I'm embarrassing myself on UnNews!"

~Ray Romano on the death of Peter Boyle

Peter Boyle, who, ironically, had a huge boyle on his cheek when he was a baby, is survived by his wife, Marie, and sons Raymond and Robert. No wait, he is survived by wife Loraine and daughters Amy and Lucy. Holy crap!

On January 2, 2007, Everybody Hates Raymond co-star Patricia Heaton finally returned our phone calls and offered her comments on the December death of Peter Boyle. "Holy Crap!" she said. "When did he die? James Brown died, Gerald Ford died, Saddam Hussein was executed, you expect me to keep track of two has died in the past year?!! Holy crap!"

The only person who has not commented on Boyle's death is Raymond creator Phillip Rosenthal, who is planning on relaunching the Raymond franchise with Daniel Craig as Ray Barone. Fans have been reacting negatively to this decision, stating, "Holy crap! What is this world coming to?"

What others had to say regarding the death of Peter Boyle:

“Holy Crap!”
~ Strong Bad on the death of Peter Boyle
“Never heard of him in my life!”
~ This Guy on Peter Boyle

“Peter Boyle was one of the greatest actors of all time. He will be sorely missed. ... What, you thought I was gonna say, "Holy Crap!"? No way, gangsta! Holy crap, you people are so predictable!”
~ Oscar Wilde on the death of Peter Boyle

“Peter Boyle was such a great man. His death is a huge loss to this country. He will be missed terribly.”
~ Chuck Norris on the death of Peter Boyle
“Holy crap! He's dead? My condolences to Peter Boyle and his family. Holy crap, he's dead? (Sobbing unintelligibly)”
~ George W. Bush on the death of Peter Boyle
“In Soviet Russia, Raymond hates YOU!!”
~ Russian Reversal on the death of Peter Boyle
“Hory Clap!”
~ Hayao Miyazaki on the death of Peter Boyle

It is said that Peter Boyle's last words were, "Holy Crap!"

edit Sources

UnNews Logo Potato
UnNews Senior Editors are currently inserting left-wing bias into this related article:
Personal tools
projects