UnNews:Holy Crap! Peter Boyle dies at 71
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Holy Crap! Peter Boyle dies at 71
Truth doesn't "live here" — It's just camping out
Thursday, February 23, 2017, 20:53:UTC)(
14 December 2006
|UnNews Audio (file info)|
|Listen to this story!|
Problems playing this file? You might be a dope.
MANHATTAN, New York -- Holy crap! The television world was shocked Wednesday to receive the news that Peter Boyle, the loveable grumpy dad from Everybody Hates Raymond, was dead. Boyle was found dead with an apparent suicide note Tuesday. He was 71. Holy crap!
It is believed that Boyle committed suicide because he couldn't stand being married to Doris Roberts and felt dispondent over the end of the show's run from 1996 to 2005. He reportedly had a difficult time finding roles that didn't require him to play a grumpy old man who exclaims, "Holy Crap!" every 15 minutes. Said co-star Doris Roberts, "Holy crap! I didn't know Peter was dead. He was so fun to work with, even if he did bicker and curse a lot. Holy crap indeed."
Boyle had also been suffering heart problems and Myeloma. In 1999, Boyle suffered a heart attack which prompted him to yell, "Holy crap!" before paramedics were called to the scene. Boyle survived, but the show went into a quick hiatus. Producers almost replaced Boyle with This Guy, That Guy, or Oscar Wilde, thinking that people would be too stupid to tell the difference.
Boyle left the life of a ninja to study acting, and he became one of the most successful character actors of all time, starring in everything from Young Frankenstein to Monster's Ball to The Headbangers Ball to Snakes on a Plane. Then he got the role on Raymond. In a 1999 interview, Boyle explained how he got the role of Frank Barone: "When I came in to audition and they told me that my wife was gonna be played by Doris Roberts, I got so pissed off that I muttered, 'Holy crap!' and I was hired on the spot. Holy crap, don't you just love Hollywood?"
Co-stars Brad Garrett, Monica Horan, the Sweeten siblings, Fred Willard, and Georgia Engel have all commented on his death, including more "Holy craps!" than humanly possible. UnNews grabbed the exclusive comments made by star Ray Romano. Here's what Ray had to say:
"Yeah, I, uhhh, know that you, uhh, all... want me to say "Holy crap!", but I, uhh, just think it's, well, uhh... too cliche. I, uhh... think it was... a tragedy. He was such a great actor, you know? Holy crap, I'm embarrassing myself on UnNews!"
~Ray Romano on the death of Peter Boyle
Peter Boyle, who, ironically, had a huge boyle on his cheek when he was a baby, is survived by his wife, Marie, and sons Raymond and Robert. No wait, he is survived by wife Loraine and daughters Amy and Lucy. Holy crap!
On January 2, 2007, Everybody Hates Raymond co-star Patricia Heaton finally returned our phone calls and offered her comments on the December death of Peter Boyle. "Holy Crap!" she said. "When did he die? James Brown died, Gerald Ford died, Saddam Hussein was executed, you expect me to keep track of two has died in the past year?!! Holy crap!"
The only person who has not commented on Boyle's death is Raymond creator Phillip Rosenthal, who is planning on relaunching the Raymond franchise with Daniel Craig as Ray Barone. Fans have been reacting negatively to this decision, stating, "Holy crap! What is this world coming to?"
What others had to say regarding the death of Peter Boyle:
“Never heard of him in my life!”
“Peter Boyle was one of the greatest actors of all time. He will be sorely missed. ... What, you thought I was gonna say, "Holy Crap!"? No way, gangsta! Holy crap, you people are so predictable!”
“Peter Boyle was such a great man. His death is a huge loss to this country. He will be missed terribly.”
“Holy crap! He's dead? My condolences to Peter Boyle and his family. Holy crap, he's dead? (Sobbing unintelligibly)”
“In Soviet Russia, Raymond hates YOU!!”
It is said that Peter Boyle's last words were, "Holy Crap!"