|This article is part of UnNews||Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?|
17 June 2012
HOLLYWOOD, USA -- The maid was bored, the bar tender was lonely, the hotel manager was worried about the bill - these were the reactions this week as Lindsay Lohan became silent in her hotel room.
Lohan has been a good girl recently, and we here at UnNews, are pleased to see that she appears to have her career back on track. The pictures of her on the set of her latest movie, Liz and Dick, proves she certainly has leading-lady attributes as long as she stays focused. The slight glitch with her rented Porsche may have made the judge say - "Ugh" - but the former child star has managed to MOSTLY stay out of trouble since being granted her freedom from court hearings. This is why her latest move has left many in shock. Lindsay Lohan actually went to sleep in her hotel room without robbing the pharmacy first! Elizabeth Taylor must have undoubtedly possessed Lohan, as her going to sleep certainly IS supernatural and spooky. Let's see if she buys a stockpile of super-soakers from ebay to give to the crew on Liz and Dick, this surely would prove that Lohan is indeed Taylor and that heaven, thanks to Michael, will be a very wet place indeed.
We like to do our job properly here at UnNews, so we called Lohan's room but unfortunately she was on set. We did however speak to the maid who was in the room at the time - "There's nothing to do. Usually, it looks like a donkey and Keith Moon live here, the bed is only showing one person has slept in it, normally we have to go searching the hotel for the bed. She's taken all three of her wallets so no spare change today, the T.V. channel is set to NBC. I might quit." - (Hmm, come and clean the UnNews office, we can talk about Lohan all day!)
|This article features first-hand journalism by an UnNews correspondent.|
Wow people, we DO get the most exclusive interviews here. So what is next in the life of Lindsay? Surely she will finish this movie and it will be great!? Surely she will win an Oscar? She is a bit of a blonde even though she is red but there IS something about her which makes my article stand up. We sincerely wish her luck on her work and of course, UnNews shall be sending her an alarm clock of a hollow potato to show her that even waking up is as funny as her going to sleep.