UnNews:Hobo caught peeing on a pile of apples in a local Wal★Mart
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|This article is part of UnNews||Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?|
10 July 2009
When people went to a local Wal-Mart to get apples, chips, pepsi, and everything else that slows their heartbeat, people witnessed a hobo urinating on a batch of freshly picked apples. The hobo then pulled up his pants, walked out of the food aisle, pulled up his pants again, then walked out of the store. People were astonished at the disgusting man. Jeff Dugbuzz, a young man who ate one of the ruined apples is here to say something about the apples:
What? Those apples were peed on? OH MY GOD! THAT IS FUCKING MESSED UP! Man, I am going to puke! OH GOD!
The hobo is still at large, you may find him in or outside many local food stores. If you do purchase an apple, wash it off for at least 2 minutes. You may find a distinct taste on your apple if it has been peed on. Be alert if your apple tastes salty, sweaty, or tastes a little like Mountain Dew. If it does, call 911 immediately, because you may get very sick. If you ever find him, call 911 as soon as you can. If you can, try to not eat apples until he is caught. Homeless bastard.....
|This article features first-hand journalism by an UnNews correspondent.|