This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-microsecond misinformation.
16 March 2006
Shocking news for those of the Hitler was a killer robot persuasion: Hitler was found today to have a soft spot for children and puppies.
As word of this new side has spread like wildfire around the world, the global community has been learning to accept this new view of the man formerly seen as a cruel despot.
"We should have given him a chance," Winston Churchill said in tears, "we never knew who he really was."
A never-before-released chapter of Anne Frank's diary was found this week. In it, she reports on various organizations like NaziLove, an adoption agency dedicated to saving orphans; Hitler Hugs, reaching out to the loved ones of the deceased; and Aryans for Hope, together we can find a cure.
Aryans for Hope was founded by Hitler in 1940. Its mission statement was: "The more we do to you, the less you believe we're doing it," which historians interpret as something along the lines of Everyone deserves hope. Led by its primary researcher, Doctor Mengele, the organization was very active, performing many experiments to find a cure. The Doctor himself was called an "Angel" by those who knew him. Unfortunately, the organization was shut down in 1945 due to poor funding, but experts estimate that it saved nearly 2 million people.
This charitable side of Hitler was never publicised while he was living. "We think that this was a product of his compassionate humility," Louise Arbour told our reporters.
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