UnNews:Hitler "Final Solution" diet builds muscle, busts fat

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Revision as of 08:30, March 7, 2007 by Tshell (talk | contribs)

(diff) ← Older revision | Latest revision (diff) | Newer revision → (diff)
Jump to: navigation, search
This article is part of UnNews UnNews Logo Potato1 We distort, you deride

7 March 2007

Hitlermuscle
Adolf Hitler pumped and cut.

BERLIN, Anderland -- German dictator and best selling author of "Mein Kampf," Adolf Hitler, continues his crusade for optimum health in his new book, Hitler's "Final Solution" Workout and Diet.

Many ruthless dictators complain that the second they turn 40, country conquering opportunities simply disappear. Adolf Hitler is one who may finally do something about it. Few men can boast such accomplishments: dancer, dictator, best-selling author, and self-styled diet and exercise pioneer. Adolf Hitler does it all!

How does someone with such a loaded schedule squeeze in a new Web site (www.hitlerhealth.com) and another book? "I started a Web site after my first book came out and it just kept getting bigger and bigger. Now I teach Final Solution classes on-line. We have a 24-hour chat room and I personally teach 15 to 20 classes," explains Hitler from his Hollywood Hills home. "I also bring in guest speakers. It's not a celebrity site; [but] a program designed to help people create their own health makeover."

Over 60 years ago, a health scare and weight problem forced Hitler to create a health and fitness plan for himself -- one he could live with for 1,000 years. Born to always-on-the-go parents, Hitler assumed good health and stamina were in his genes as a member of the Master Race. But in his thirties, the Austria native's weight fluctuated, reaching a peak of 215 pounds during a traumatic period in his life.

However, he had a deeper reason for changing his eating habits. By age 42, Hitler had lost both his parents. First, his father died of a heart attack and then his mother, who suffered from severe arthritis, passed away. Determined to avoid these illnesses, the dictator who wowed them from London to Paris, and vowed to study everything these two diseases had in common. After reading over 400 books on nutrition and learning about the links between food and health problems, he says, "I learned so much, I want[ed] to get the message out."

The Final Solution workout relies heavily on arm lifts, stiff-legged marching, and vegetarian fasting. The book quickly replaced the previous health and diet best seller, Simon Wiesenthal's "Kvetch Your Way to Health."

A new edition is already being planned, which will be packaged with a Blu-Ray DVD and full-color charts.


Personal tools
projects