UnNews:Hillary spills all to FBI

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Jump to: navigation, search
Hillary spills all to FBI

Democracy Dies with Dignity

UnNews Logo Potato
Friday, August 18, 2017, 16:39:59 (UTC)

F iconNewsroomAudio (staff)Foolitzer Prize

Feed-iconIndexesRandom story

3 July 2016

Hillary Clinton sunglasses

There is so much sunlight today!

WASHINGTON, D.C -- Likable and inevitable candidate Hillary Clinton conducted a "voluntary meeting" with the FBI on Saturday, in conjunction with its investigation of her private official email server, which has expanded to cover doings at the Clinton Family Tip Jar.

Campaign spokesman Nick Merrill said it was “a voluntary interview,” meaning that Hillary stepped forward rather than wait for a summons. Her server administrator also signed a voluntary deal to testify, in exchange for immunity from prosecution, rather than invoke their constitutional right against self-incrimination like Hillary's other aides. Merrill said he hopes Hillary can now #MoveOn in her campaign to preside over the nation's “voluntary” tax system.

Hillary has claimed her campaign is even more “open and forthright” than President Obama's “most transparent administration in history.” She chose a Saturday morning in the three-day national Independence Day holiday to meet with the FBI for the benefit of vacationers soaking up rays on the beach, who could follow it on their mobile devices, or at least follow MSNBC newscasters declaring that the controversy was over, as they did when Hillary endured eleven grueling hours of Congressional hearings that never established proof beyond a reasonable doubt of criminal acts. They never slapped the cuffs on her, then or now.

Hillary's previous open-and-forthright voluntary disclosure was when her campaign released dozens of emails she had previously claimed she deleted, on New Year's Eve.

Senator Bernie Sanders, who is competing with Hillary for the Democratic Party nomination decided at this month's convention in Philadelphia, sought to out-do Hillary on the honesty front by blurting out that “there isn't a snowball's chance in Hell” that he will prevail, though that makes it even more urgent that he not stop trying.

Hillary conducted a brief Media Availability after the interview. Reporters who were closer to the rope line than this reporter were able to hear her express pleasure about being able to assist the Department of Justice, regarding unwise decisions she may-or-may-not have made and certainly now regrets, and about working to reform procedures in her office and make firm guarantees to the voters that she may-or-may-not make them again.

edit Sources

Personal tools
projects