UnNews:Hillary Drops Bid for President
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Hillary Drops Bid for President
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Thursday, September 29, 2016, 00:04:UTC)(
2 November 2007
NEW YORK, NY -- As a shock to many, Hillary Rodham Clinton announced that she will be "dropping out" of the race for the 08' Presidency. Her reasons were many and some were even thought of as bazaar. "I have done a lot of thinking and I feel this is the right thing to do. Bill would make a horrible first lady anyway." A spokesperson for the Clinton Team said, "The Senator is looking into a job related to septic systems and waste sanitation disposal". Mrs. Clinton confirmed this today at a speech at Pooperdine University, "I've dealt with a lot of crap in my time in office and have dealt with it sternly!" "Living with Bill has given me more of a reason to pursue this career."
Sewer workers across America have hailed the former First Lady as a roll model for all "Poop Removers". "I'll never look at poop the same way again" said Gary Bile of Crapola, PA. Bile has seen many changes in sanitation in his 26 years in the business. "I started out cleaning toilets, but now I'm sucking out Septic Tanks! With a leader like Hillary, well, the possibilities are endless."
Bill Clinton was asked what he thought about his wifes decision; "I, of course, stand behind her decision to lead the Turd Workers of America" She put up with all my crap while in office, so this should be as simple as dropping off the Brown family at the Super Bowl." Her daughter, who is studying Astronomy at Carl Sagans School of the Stars, could not be reached for comment. Reporters later learned she was busy working on a project about Uranus.
Barak Obama was quoted saying, "This makes me feel un-easy, She stated I was Full of it and now I'm worried she will try to take it out of me." "This is going to hurt my Campaign, instead of people being at the polls, they'll be in the bathroom...She knows what she's doing."
|This article features first-hand journalism by an UnNews correspondent.|