UnNews:Highway man gets wheelchair ride
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
8 June 2007
Paw Paw, Michigan. A wheelchair user has taken a lorry for a high-speed ride along a US highway after his handlebars became tangled up in the front grille of a lorry.
The back of Ben Barpenter's wheelchair was scooped up as he passed in front of a lorry leaving a petrol station.
The driver was completely unaware that he had a new passenger, kept in his lorry by a seatbelt.
Passing motorists told police, who found the man unhurt - but still attached to the drivers seat of his truck.
Police in the town of Paw Paw, Michigan, said the lorry driver had told them "it was quite a ride", but complained only that he had spilled his soda. The lorry reached speeds of 50mph (80km/h) as it was pulled down the Red Arrow Highway.
After several miles the Mr Barpenter pulled over into a disabled space in a car park where police then told him about he had a lorry on his ass.
He refused to believe there was a lorry stuck to the back of his wheelchair until he saw it for himself, police said.
"I couldn't understand why I was going so slowly", commented Mr Barpenter whilst snorting crystal meth and popping steroids, "I can usually get up to over 100 mph on this stretch of highway, at least I think I do, it could be the hallucinations from all the drugs I take."
The truck driver was visibly shaken after his terrifying ordeal, "I couldn't believe we were going so fast", he commented whist smoking heroin and popping vallium, "I usually only do about 15 mph on this stretch of highway, at least I think I do, it could be the hallucinations from all the drugs I take."
Michigan police attempted to caution Mr Barpenter for abusing controlled substances but were unable to keep up with him.