UnNews:High court rules:It's still rape even if you shout surprise
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
High court rules:It's still rape even if you shout surprise
A newsstand that's brimming with issues
Sunday, August 20, 2017, 19:21:UTC)(
26 November 2007
A person may be guilty of rape even if he or she first shouts "surprise," a high court judge ruled today. This landmark ruling has sparked alarm and controversy across not just Britain but much of the western world, as many fear the impact the precedent set could have on a whole way of life. Dr Maureen McCaw, a member of the Surprise Sex Foundation, has condemned the decision:
"Some people just don't realise how much we as a society owe to surprise sex. I was a twenty-four year old virgin before I was rescued by a nice strong young man at a party. Now I'm married with kids and am a pillar of society. And if it wasn't for surprise sex the only way I'd get any would be from my old geezer of a husband."
The man found guilty of rape at the Old Bailey, who had used the sanctity of surprise sex as the cornerstone of his defence, was shocked by the verdict:
"I'm gutted. Gutted. I really am. Can't believe it. All it was was a bit of fun. Ma mam always said people like things more if they're a surprise."
He will now serve a ten year prison sentence, although this may be reduced to two weeks for good behaviour, under a new initiative to free up prison spaces.
Conservative party leader David Cameron described the ruling as "political correctness gone mad" and "another step closer to a nanny state".
|This article features first-hand journalism by an UnNews correspondent.|