UnNews:High Wycombe rejoices at bombing raid
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High Wycombe rejoices at bombing raid
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Monday, May 25, 2015, 00:02 (UTC)
15 July 2006
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HIGH WYCOMBE, ENGLAND - On Friday 14th July 2006, the citizens of High Wycombe and many other nearby villages and towns are dancing in the streets to celebrate the carpet bombing of a soulless concrete jungle by the People's Front for Liberation from Architectural Oppression (PFLAO). The daylight raid destroyed the hideous multi-story car park and the adjoined bus station, both declared unfit for habitation even by vermin. 34 shopping trolleys, a gaggle of parking wardens and a passing Slough Town fan were the unfortunate collateral. The bombing has brought universal praise from haters of buildings design by crap 60s architects who had a fetish for piss-ridden stinking concrete.
PFLAO spokesfrog Birger Bårstäd croaked to the cheering adoring crowds that spontaneously assembled on the High Street, "We've waited 40 years for this, and it's beautiful. For years we've been oppressed by the dank and dreary dictatorship of Wycombe Bus Station. Out of its hideous ruins can rise the brilliant future of High Wycombe. We may build a new Wimpy's, a bowling alley and maybe even a new branch of Anne Summers!"
However, Wycombe District Council are declaring war on PFLAO. Officer for Archetectural Banality Hubert Cumberdale announced in a statement, "Wycombe District Council considers the indiscriminate bombing of High Wycombe to be an act of kindness that will never be forgiven. Our constitution clearly states that we cannot stand by and look on whilst our subjects are happy. We must intervene and make everyone's lives a misery before this becomes an insurrectional movement. Newlands multi-story car park will rise again bigger, smellier, danker and more crime ridden.We will build even more unreliable lifts that stink of piss and will ensure that more used needles are strewn in the stairwells. Immediate surrender by PFLAO will be best for all in the long run.", whilst cackling evily.
Towns across the country also held demonstrations demanding indiscriminate bombings in their town centres to rid themselves of the daily terrorism of architectural disasters. In a movement that will sweep the country, and maybe the whole of the developed world, these are uncertain times, but you can still be sure that marmalade will taste like crude oil and mobile phones taste fantastic with kidney beans and black printer cartridges.