UnNews:Hideously ugly radio host fired for being too polite

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3 November 2006

Dork

GOOD LORD! Do I STILL have to look at his ugly mug?

BOSTON - A no-talent hack radio talk show host was fired Friday after he allowed a third-party candidate some extra time during a debate. The monkey-faced loser made polite remarks to the the Green-Ladybug-Rainbow-Flower party candidate running for Massachusetts governor and allowed her an extra 5 minutes to finish her point.

WWTF-AM pulled host John Dick from the air after he made the remarks Thursday. It announced Friday that he had been fired.

"Look, this was the last straw," said Jack Stalk, the vice president of AM programming and operations for the station. "This ass, besides looking like a homo, has the worst hair - what the hell is that? Did you catch your toe in a light socket? I'm tired of seeing his googly-eyed, Beaver Cleaver face. He always looks like he's been huffing rubbing alcohol."

Dick had also been reprimanded by station management in July for using being non-confrontational with guests.

"This dork just doesn't get it," Stalk continued "We're not here to be nice to people, nobody listens to nice radio shows. And Christ, I'm just tired of hearing his name. John Dick? Heh. heh. Hahaha! Bawhawhaw HAW HAW! God, that always makes me laugh."

Dick told The Boston Globe that he was "stunned" that he had been fired. "Wow, I mean, wow. I was only endeavouring to do a complete, honest job of letting each candidate have..."

"OH SHUT THE HELL UP!", interjected Stalk, "JUST. SHUT. UP. I'm tired of your whiny mealy-mouthed little pip-squeak voice. Look at you! Did you sleep in those clothes? Just shuffle on out of here and go back to your cardboard box!"

A replacement has not been announced. "Is Pat Boone available?", asked Stalk.


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