UnNews:Hezbollah scores own goal, says murdered Colombian footballer

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Revision as of 19:57, September 12, 2006 by Zim ulator (talk | contribs)

(diff) ← Older revision | Latest revision (diff) | Newer revision → (diff)
Jump to: navigation, search
This article is part of UnNews UnNews Logo Potato1 UnFair and UnBalanced

31 July 2006

Unwar2

UnNews Logo Potato
Bobblue2

Rev_zim drives the UnCanninator.

This article is part of a series of interviews with the dead, using our patent-pending UnCanninator. The Cabal is planning to infiltrate society with UnCanninator Tech and compete directly with psychics like John Edward and with Scientology, on another front altogether. Profit projections are through the ceiling!

CAUTION Do not stare directly into this audio, nor should you expose yourself to it for more than 10 minutes at a go. This is some dangerous super-secrety-sciency stuff, so be careful and don't feed it to children unless child has a USB port.

If you don't believe any of this, you can bugger off!













Jemosaic

With UnNews technical breakthroughs in speaking with the dead, no one will be needing this guy any longer.


MELBOURNE, Australia, GNN (GOANNA NEWS NETWORK) --- HEZBOLLAH had scored an own goal by taking a baseball bat to the hornets' nest that is Israel, murdered Colombian footballer Andres Escobar said at a seance in Melbourne yesterday.

Escobar, speaking from beyond the grave at a seance held by 14-year-old schoolgirl Portia Cumberland and friends in her parent's basement in the leafy inner-eastern suburb of Kew, said that even Blind Freddy could see what was going to happen once the Shi'ite crackpots started firing Baba Ganousha rockets at the Israeli port city and party capital of Haifa.

"You just have to look at what's happened today in (the southern Lebanese village of) Qana," Escobar said. "There were 51 people killed, including 21 children, when one Israeli warplane dropped one American-made smart bomb. "In one instant, the Israelis have killed more or less the number of Arabs that Hezbollah has been able to kill of Israelis in the past fortnight. You don't need to be all that smart to work out that this isn't working out for Hezbollah. Or for the people who are being killed."

Escobar, who knows a thing or two about own goals, having been famously murdered on his return to Colombia after scoring the own goal that knocked his country out of the 1994 World Cup, said that if Hezbollah really wanted to win it had to get back to basics, play a 4-4-2 formation, set out its stall early doors and look for a head inside the box.

"Better still," said Escobar, "maybe they could look at rebuilding in a lower division. They have lost many of their top players in the past week and so perhaps they would have a better chance of success in the civil strife in the Solomon Islands. For me, Hezbollah v Israel is like Cardiff City v Real Madrid. It ain't gonna happen."

Personal tools
projects