UnNews:Hezbollah scores own goal, says murdered Colombian footballer
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Hezbollah scores own goal, says murdered Colombian footballer
A newsstand that's brimming with issues
Wednesday, December 2, 2015, 02:25:UTC)(
31 July 2006
|UnNews Audio (file info)|
|Listen to this story!|
MELBOURNE, Australia, GNN (GOANNA NEWS NETWORK) --- HEZBOLLAH had scored an own goal by taking a baseball bat to the hornets' nest that is Israel, murdered Colombian footballer Andres Escobar said at a seance in Melbourne yesterday.
Escobar, speaking from beyond the grave at a seance held by 14-year-old schoolgirl Portia Cumberland and friends in her parent's basement in the leafy inner-eastern suburb of Kew, said that even Blind Freddy could see what was going to happen once the Shi'ite crackpots started firing Baba Ganousha rockets at the Israeli port city and party capital of Haifa.
"You just have to look at what's happened today in (the southern Lebanese village of) Qana," Escobar said. "There were 51 people killed, including 21 children, when one Israeli warplane dropped one American-made smart bomb. "In one instant, the Israelis have killed more or less the number of Arabs that Hezbollah has been able to kill of Israelis in the past fortnight. You don't need to be all that smart to work out that this isn't working out for Hezbollah. Or for the people who are being killed."
Escobar, who knows a thing or two about own goals, having been famously murdered on his return to Colombia after scoring the own goal that knocked his country out of the 1994 World Cup, said that if Hezbollah really wanted to win it had to get back to basics, play a 4-4-2 formation, set out its stall early doors and look for a head inside the box.
"Better still," said Escobar, "maybe they could look at rebuilding in a lower division. They have lost many of their top players in the past week and so perhaps they would have a better chance of success in the civil strife in the Solomon Islands. For me, Hezbollah v Israel is like Cardiff City v Real Madrid. It ain't gonna happen."