UnNews:Hezbollah leader warns against evils of kitten huffing

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Jump to: navigation, search
Hezbollah leader warns against evils of kitten huffing

Every time you think, you weaken the nation —Moe Howard

UnNews Logo Potato
Friday, March 23, 2018, 09:56:59 (UTC)

F iconNewsroomAudio (staff)Foolitzer Prize

Feed-iconIndexesRandom story

Problems playing this file? You might be a dope.

22 September 2006


As with most everything else, this dude is none too keen on kitten huffing.

BEIRUT, Lebanon - Hezbollah leader Sheik Hassan Nasrallah told hundreds of thousands of supporters Friday that his guerrillas will never succumb to the evils of Western-inspired kitten huffing, and will use every means at his disposal to stop it — including 20,000 rockets he claims his group has left after its 34-day war with Israel.

"No army in the world will be able to make us press a sweet-smelling kitten to our faces," the black-turbaned cleric said defiantly in his first public appearance since the start of the war in July.

But Nasrallah said he would consider disarming his group once the Lebanese government is strong enough to keep kittens out of the country on its own.

"When we build a strong and just state that is capable of protecting the nation and the citizens from the scourge of kittens, we will easily find an honorable solution to the resistance issue and its weapons," he told the flag-waving crowd gathered in Beirut's bombed-out southern suburbs.

The militant leader thanked God for what he called "a divine, historic and strategic victory" over the Jewish state and said his group would continue its glorious fight against Western decadance.

Hezbollah guerrillas forcibly exported over two thousand kittens into Israel in a cross-border raid on July 12, which prompted 34 days of Israeli airstrikes in Lebanon.

Nasrallah said he decided to appear at the rally despite threats to his life from kitten lovers.

edit Sources

Personal tools