UnNews:Hello Kitty named as Japan's UN ambassador
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Hello Kitty named as Japan's UN ambassador
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Wednesday, September 28, 2016, 18:46:UTC)(
20 May 2008
The moon-faced mouthless kitty, who appeared today along side Foreign Minister Tetsuzo Fuyushiba at the announcement in Tokyo, was clad in a modest traditional kimono, indicating that “Hello Kitty is ready to represent that national interests of Japan, our nation's desire for international peace and a larger cut of the United Nations gift shop trade.”
“We believe that Hello Kitty will also bring a return to proper decorum to this august body,” said Fuyushiba. “Hello Kitty is universal in her appeal and available at all major retailers.” For her part, Hello Kitty nodded in agreement.
Leaders around the world praised Japan’s diplomatic coup.
“The United Nations has long been a seat of pro-western demagoguery,” said Iran’s President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad “however Hello Kitty we find a modest woman who knows her place and when to keep her tongue. And she is just too sweet for words.”
Condoleeza Rice, the United States Secretary of State found herself in agreement for once with the combative Iranian leader, who is often a thorn in the side of the United States and its foreign policy. “When I can agree with Ahmadinejad on any matter, it’s a cause for reflection and hope for world peace.” Rice also added that "I never travel without my authentic Hello Kitty backpack with the built in snuggle pillow."
H.E. Srgjan Kerim, President of the United Nations General Assembly welcomed Hello Kitty, however cautiously indicated that the pop icon will have a period of adjustment in the worldwide body.
“One should assume that Miss Kitty will find her orientation with the Body and its policies to be enlightening. She will head up the UN’s organization on Worldwide Sleepover Policy, as well as be expected to participate in topics beyond her comfort zone. We foresee no conflicts with the sharing of other duties or BFF's.”
For her part, Hello Kitty simply nodded and cocked her huge head to one side implying that she is happy with the appointment, can’t wait to get to work listening to others and offering moral comfort to those nations in conflict with United Nations policies on child labor laws.