UnNews:Heater Kicks in at Tiger Woods' Home Due to Comfortable Thermostat Setting

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

(Difference between revisions)
Jump to: navigation, search
m (Reverted edit(s) of زنجي قطعة من فضلات الكلب حزمة الحطب ([[User_talk:زنجي قطعة من فضلات الكلب حزمة الحطب|t)
 
Line 1: Line 1:
'''(AP NEWS - ORLANDO, FL)''' Former [[Nigger|U.S. President]] [[God|Bill Cosby]] was arrested in Orlando yesterday by federal authorities after he Bombed Disney World. Cosby Bombed all of Disney World, Killing the over 10 million people who live there. Cosby allegedly used a Hydrogen Bomb that he bought through the Black Market to Bomb Disney World. All that is left of Disney World now is Ruins and Nuclear Fallout. "I have had enough of these Fucking Faggots trying to rule the World with their goddamn Mickey Mouse. I'm gonna feed Mickey and Minnie to a Fucking Cat. That Cat is gonna want eat them little Mice for lunch. Fucking right my Nigga. Yo, don't Nobody be touchin' my Ribs, Nigga, DON'T NOBODY BE TOUCHIN' EM!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Cosby is being held in a special Jail Cell at Miami International Airport. He is scheduled to be flown to a Concentration Camp in [[God|rural Iraq]] for punishment for his Bombings. Cosby, who spoke under the blue painted Jail Cell Bars underneath Miami International Airport, said to reporters: "I'm gonna get the Fuck out of Iraq and Bomb the White House. And once I do, I'm gonna move into it and call it The BLACK House. I'm gonna be President again you Fucking Honkey piece of Faggot Dogshit." Cosby reportedly threw a corrosive Acid over the Reporter's Face which made it look like a chopped up piece of Cardboard." The Reporter died soon afterwards. Cosby is being flown to the Concentration Camp in [[God|rural Iraq]] tomorrow morning.
+
{{news|8 December 2009}}
  +
{{date|8 December 2009}}
  +
  +
[[Image:Woods-house.jpg|thumb|right|250px|No one went swimming last night at the Woods residence. Speculation is that the winter temperatures are too cold to facilitate a comfortable swimming experience.]]
  +
'''OCOEE, FL''' - A faint clicking noise was heard at the [[Tiger Woods]] residence overnight here as the heater clicked on due to the house temperature falling below the level set on the [[thermostat]]. Speculation is that the Woods family set the thermostat to the level that is comfortable to them, while still at a low enough temperature so as not to be [[Global Warming|wasteful]].
  +
  +
Several other significant events transpired early this morning as reporters kept their twenty-four/seven watch over the residence in the public interest. Sprinklers came on at their scheduled 5:30 a.m. watering time, one of the residents emerged from the house to let the [[cat]] out, and the [[toaster]] was heard to eject an undetermined number of pieces of toast multiple times. Observers now believe that many of the household residents were eating toast, but there is no word on whether they used [[jam]], cinnamon and sugar or [[honey]].
  +
  +
These events are inclusive of yesterday's intriguing moments, including the [[television]] being turned on and off several times, and the watching of ''Bum Boys 4'' by an unknown group of family members. There is no word on whether the film watcher(s) managed today to return the rented DVD to the local RedBox vending kiosk in time to avoid the extra dollar charge for the extra night.
  +
  +
As with every night, in the interest of the public's right to uncensored news and information, UnNews reporters will maintain uninterrupted [[stalker|watch]] on the Woods household and report on any further significant events as they transpire, especially if one is a [[pr0n]] actress.

Latest revision as of 12:01, December 18, 2009

This article is part of UnNews UnNews Logo Potato1 A newsstand that's brimming with issues

8 December 2009

Woods-house

No one went swimming last night at the Woods residence. Speculation is that the winter temperatures are too cold to facilitate a comfortable swimming experience.

OCOEE, FL - A faint clicking noise was heard at the Tiger Woods residence overnight here as the heater clicked on due to the house temperature falling below the level set on the thermostat. Speculation is that the Woods family set the thermostat to the level that is comfortable to them, while still at a low enough temperature so as not to be wasteful.

Several other significant events transpired early this morning as reporters kept their twenty-four/seven watch over the residence in the public interest. Sprinklers came on at their scheduled 5:30 a.m. watering time, one of the residents emerged from the house to let the cat out, and the toaster was heard to eject an undetermined number of pieces of toast multiple times. Observers now believe that many of the household residents were eating toast, but there is no word on whether they used jam, cinnamon and sugar or honey.

These events are inclusive of yesterday's intriguing moments, including the television being turned on and off several times, and the watching of Bum Boys 4 by an unknown group of family members. There is no word on whether the film watcher(s) managed today to return the rented DVD to the local RedBox vending kiosk in time to avoid the extra dollar charge for the extra night.

As with every night, in the interest of the public's right to uncensored news and information, UnNews reporters will maintain uninterrupted watch on the Woods household and report on any further significant events as they transpire, especially if one is a pr0n actress.

Personal tools
projects