UnNews:Hawking: Information required for Chilcot Inquiry in black holes

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Jump to: navigation, search
Hawking: Information required for Chilcot Inquiry in black holes

Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?

UnNews Logo Potato
Friday, August 18, 2017, 22:03:59 (UTC)

F iconNewsroomAudio (staff)Foolitzer Prize

Feed-iconIndexesRandom story

26 August 2015

ChilcotInquiryHole

An artist's impression of the Chilcot Inquiry in the year 2200.

CAMBRIDGE, UK -- Professor Stephen Hawking and colleagues from both Harvard and Cambridge universities have postulated that the information on the Iraq War, specifically Tony Blair's testimony, needed to complete the Chilcot Inquiry is located within black holes at the centre of the galaxy. The research, which was conducted at the University of Cambridge in 2012, was funded by the then-Peace Envoy to the Middle East.

Professor Hawking explained that when light is shone on crucial evidence that may or may not convict senior politicians of illegal actions, the photons interact with the electrical transformers within government computer servers. This results in the elimination of email data and the apparition of a replica of the data on the event horizon of black holes.

"Regrettably, the release of the Inquiry's results will have to be delayed until the government can find the funding for a warp drive development programme," explained Sir John Chilcot who leads the inquiry. Families of UK soldiers killed in Iraq have previously threatened legal action, after the release of the report was allowed to be delayed by those targeted by the report. However in light of the scientifically proven implausibility of obtaining the information required to finish the report, only the Iraqi casualties' families remain protesting.

Prime Minister David Cameron expressed his frustration that the report has had to be delayed once again and has pointed to the low standards required to get an A* in A-level Physics as the reason behind the lack of progress made towards warp drive technology that would enable government officials to reach the information in the black holes. Prime Minister at the time of the Iraq War, Tony Blair, has proposed that when the black holes can be reached, not only will the information clear him of any criminal actions but the missing WMDs will also be finally discovered, having also transported to the event horizons of the black holes.

edit Sources

Personal tools
projects