UnNews:Harry the Crusader earns his spurs

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Harry the Crusader earns his spurs

Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?

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Friday, March 23, 2018, 05:59:59 (UTC)

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22 January 2013


High score! I can go up to the next level.

Kabul, Afghanistan --

Brave, naked, handsome, heroic Prince Prince Harry of Wales is receiving a lot of praise after he revealed he had 'disarmed a lot of beardies' by blowing their legs off in a recent mission. The smiling, fun loving and arse revealing son of St.Diana said he was glad to have got recognition for his many acts of valour.

"It was better than Tour of Duty or Pokemon. Up in the helicopter I could clearly see the Taliban shooting at my friends so I fired back. I was going to give them a close up of my crack but my co-pilot warned me he would start laughing and crash the Apache. So we celebrated back at camp with a lot of wedging. I am now 'bloodied' as the army says and that's more than my brother has done, winching funny foreign sailors out of the Irish sea in his rescue 'copter. Hahah Wills...!"

News that Harry has killed muslims in combat was greeted with flag burning and pulling the wing mirrors off German owned British Minis in Iran. Right now ,hundreds of television crews are scouring the Islamic world for the first cleric to issue a Fatwa against Prince Harry. An executive from CNN gave out an identikit preacher.

"He has to be one eyed, lead an army of fanatics with a name Quentin Tarantino would die for to use in his next film and burn a flag the Stars and Stripes. Shouldn't be too difficult. We don't provide the flags but there are other news organisations that ship them to these hotspots by the crate."

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