UnNews:Harry Potter Goes Crazy and Jumps off Building
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Harry Potter Goes Crazy and Jumps off Building
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Thursday, March 15, 2018, 16:44:UTC)(
20 October 2006
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Oscar Wilde was shocked today when he discovered that his statements had lead to Harry Potters demise and eventual "Suicide". Oscar Wilde latter reported "I would personally like to publicly say sorry to the friends, family and fans of Harry Potter, but I am an arse hole so I won't".
Unnews reporters reported that whilst they were reporting they were attempting to report even more than that was nesscceary to report by reporting that they are reporting. Then they reported that it all started when Oscar Wilde made an insightfull statement about the morals of Harry Potters new theoream Mudblood, which Harry Potter had been gloating and citing about all over the world and on every TV show that he could. Oscar Wild had said:
“How can a No Blood ever be born, if there are no No Bloods now and a person needs their entire pedigree thingamagiggy to be comprised of mudbloods then that persons parents must be No Bloods aswell”
Unnews reporters then reported that it went all downhill from there. Essentially Harry Potter stared blankley at Oscar for about 10 secconds, then replied, shouting "ARMAGEDDON IS HERE"; he then started to run around in unpredictable random circles, which our geologists have confirmed were 100% completely random, with absolutely no pattern at all, except that they are circles. Harry Potter continued to run around in random circles until he "fell" out of the seventh floor window of a two-story skyscraper. One of our reporters reported that Harry Potter was still attempting to run around in random circles whilst he fell to his rather "unfortunate" "suicide".