UnNews:Hammond nominated for 2 positions
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Hammond nominated for 2 positions
Truth doesn't "live here" — It's just camping out
Wednesday, August 16, 2017, 23:59:UTC)(
29 January 2007
Washington - The White House announced today that it is nominating Robert Aaron Hammond for two high-profile positions. Before the nomination, no one had ever heard of Hammond.
Hammond, a government employee from Gaston, SC, is being considered for U.S. Ambassador to the United Nations and U.S. Secretary of State after his brief, top-secret meeting with an 'unnamed Colonel' from the Pentagon.
Never before has one individual been suggested to serve in both capacities. But after learning the details of the top-secret meeting held at a undisclosed airport location, President Bush decided to consider the young man for the positions.
Many in the nation's capital are wondering what Hammond said to the Pentagon official to put him in the national spotlight.
Leaked details of the conversation from CNN say that Hammond has an idea to get the United States out of Iraq. Hammond believes giving AK47s to all Iraqi citizens would allow them to just kill each other until there is no one left in Iraq.
Bush, who up until now has only approved more U.S. military involvement, has decided that Hammond's idea might work.
"I've tried everything I can think of," President Bush said. "It's time we listen to someone else. Plus, if his idea fails, I can always put my thumbs in my ears, wave my fingers and shout 'nanny nanny boo boo.'"
White House Press Secretary Tony Snow immediately cautioned Bush about using the "nanny nanny boo boo" phrase since that had previously been used as Secret Service's code name for the president.
Hammond faces approval on both nominations, but due to his 'practically unknown' status, is expected to sail through House and Senate confirmations.