UnNews:Haiti quake is divine retribution, says Pat Robertson
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
|This article is part of UnNews||Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?|
15 January 2010
FROM THE PULPIT OF HIS TELEVISED 700 CLUB television show, reputed minister and mafia don Pat Robertson has set America straight on the situation in Haiti. Everybody knows that everything is God's Will, but some things happen for more holy reasons than others.
- "Something happened a long time ago in Haiti and people might not want to talk about," Robertson said Tuesday on his 700 Club show. "They were under the heel of the French, you know Napoleon the third and whatever. And they got together and swore a pact to the devil. They said 'We will serve you if you will get us free from the prince.' True story. And so the devil said, 'Ok it's a deal.' And they kicked the French out. The Haitians revolted and got something themselves free. But ever since they have been cursed by one thing after another."