Hacking to be featured at 2020 Olympics

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3 December 2016

Digvijaya Singh

Mr Singh promised to publish all his passwords into the cloud in the coming weeks, and dared the Modi government to do likewise.

NEW DELHI, India -- A prominent Indian official has called for hacking to be a demonstration sport at the 2020 Tokyo Olympics.

Digvijaya Singh, general secretary of Congress, which over there is an opposition political party, tweeted, "Shouldn't we include Hacking in next Olympics? Do we have a chance for a Gold Medal?" Either that, or someone hacked into his Twitter account and tweeted it for him. "Digi," as he is known, asserted that India could rout China in a round-robin phase, though it might be hard put to best Ukraine for medals. Even Nigeria would be in the finals, as it still has a prince with $10 million to place abroad who will pay handsomely for temporary use of foreign credentials.

Digi stated that the official Twitter account of Congress was recently hacked, resulting in unfortunate official calls for the nation to lob "a nuke or two" at Pakistan and for Prime Minister Narendra Modi to "accept Christ into your life." Mr Modi, however, is busy with his recent project, declaring all the nation's banknotes null-and-void and forcing the entire nation to queue up at the Tax Department to answer a few simple questions and exchange their notes for new money before the deadline. Mr Modi's ultimate goal is a "cash-less society" where all wealth is contained in smart-phone apps, but this cannot be achieved without showing the public how easy they are to hack.

Digi proposed a hacking biathlon, with separate competitions in choosing an easily guessed password and writing it down on Post-Its placed on one's monitor at work. The Congress Party closed 200 Twitter accounts of its members, so that potential competitors cannot study their techniques. It also called for a police investigation of the hackers, though they did not leave their names.

John Podesta, consiglieri of the Hillary Clinton Presidential campaign, is considered a prime contender for the Tokyo hack-fest. Wikileaks continues to dribble out Mr Podesta's entire store of hacked Gmails on a daily basis, even after it torpedoed his candidate's chances. The Clinton campaign has been hacking Election Supervisors in suddenly Republican Michigan and Wisconsin, which some see as training for 2020. Donald Trump, when informed of the new competition, encouraged the exercise, tweeting, "There is no reason the United States can't be Number One again." Mr Trump himself cannot participate in the competition, because Mrs Clinton stated that his failure to promise to accept the results of last month's election undermined democracy.

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