UnNews:H1N1 OVERBLOWN BY MEDIA!!!!!

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'''PEOPLE ARE AFRAID OF [[DEATH]]! AFRAID OF [[Toast|DEATH]]! ''AFRAID OF [[Kitten|DEATH]]!!!!!!!!'''''
 
'''PEOPLE ARE AFRAID OF [[DEATH]]! AFRAID OF [[Toast|DEATH]]! ''AFRAID OF [[Kitten|DEATH]]!!!!!!!!'''''
   
'''''This isn't just ordinary [[media]] hype. Ordinary media hype serves the sole purposes of getting people''''' [[File:H1N1 influenza virus.jpg|120px|thumb|The viruses are '''100 NANOMETRES''' in diameter.]]'''''to watch T.V. commercials, purchase newspapers, drive off the road, and strain their necks at the sky. No, this is beyond ordinary profit-seeking hype. This hype is meant to control your every move.'''''
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'''''This isn't just ordinary [[media]] hype. Ordinary media hype serves the sole purposes of getting people''''' [[File:H1N1 influenza virus.jpg|130px|thumb|The viruses are '''100 NANOMETRES''' in diameter.]]'''''to watch T.V. commercials, purchase newspapers, drive off the road, and strain their necks at the sky. No, this is beyond ordinary profit-seeking hype. This hype is meant to control your every move.'''''
   
   

Revision as of 02:01, December 3, 2009

This article is part of UnNews UnNews Logo Potato1 A newsstand that's brimming with issues

9 November 2009

Panic button

As a STATE OF EMERGENCY measure, the World Health Organization has passed an edict requiring all media computer input devices to be equipped with a panic button.

Antarctica, Pressure Press - BREAKING NEWS

T.V. VIEWERS, RADIO LISTENERS, NEWSPAPER READERS, BILLBOARD OBSERVERS AND SKYPLANE WITNESSES HAVE REPORTEDLY BEEN INUNDATED WITH OVERBLOATED STORIES SPREADING PARANOIA ABOUT THE H1N1 SWINE-AVIAN-HUMAN MEXICAN WORLDWIDE INFLUENZA LEVEL 6 PANDEMIC!!!

H1N1 influenza virus

THIS is what it looks like.

THIS HAS RESULTED IN PARANOIA THOUSANDS, NO, MILLIONS, OF TIMES MORE WIDESPREAD THAN THE FLU ITSELF!!!!

PEOPLE ARE AFRAID OF DEATH! AFRAID OF DEATH! AFRAID OF DEATH!!!!!!!!

This isn't just ordinary media hype. Ordinary media hype serves the sole purposes of getting people
H1N1 influenza virus

The viruses are 100 NANOMETRES in diameter.

to watch T.V. commercials, purchase newspapers, drive off the road, and strain their necks at the sky. No, this is beyond ordinary profit-seeking hype. This hype is meant to control your every move.


Prevention

  • DID YOU SCRUB YOUR HANDS FOR 375 SECONDS WITH ANTI-VIRAL SOAP, SANDPAPER, AND A RAZOR BLADE?
  • DID YOU KNOW THAT WHEN YOU SHAKE HANDS WITH SOMEONE, YOU'RE SHAKING HANDS WITH EVERY PERSON THEY'VE EVER SHAKEN HANDS WITH?? EVER?!?!?
H1N1 influenza virus

And growing.

  • HAVE YOU LINED UP FOR 18 AND A HALF HOURS IN A HAILSTORM TO GET THE VACCINE, ONLY TO FIND OUT THEY GAVE THE LAST ONE TO THE GUY IN FRONT OF YOU???

  • DID YOU SNEEZE ONLY INTO THE FRESH BAGGIE YOU GLUED TO YOUR SHIRT UNDER YOUR ARMPIT THIS MORNING??????


  • YOU DID GLUE A FRESH BAGGIE TO YOUR ARMPIT TODAY, DIDN'T YOU??

  • WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU WORE A CONDOM?

Cure

Scientists have been working around the clock to come up with an antidote to this problem, and they have finally found one: Turn off your T.V. set and radio, recycle your newspaper, drive with your eyes closed, and keep your head facing the ground. And turn off your computer, you infoaddict. No wonder you're so hyped.


Sources

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