Guy Fawkes arrested for breaking smoking ban in Parliament
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Monday, November 19, 2018, 05:14:UTC)(
5 November 2013
Jacobean Health and Safety Officials confirmed they have arrested a man for breaking the smoking ban in the Houses of Parliament.
Following a tortured tip off from Sir Walter Raleigh, soldiers in fancy dress arrested a man found 'having a fag' by a cellar full of barrels underneath the House of Lords. Witnesses said the man was seen smoking dried potato skins whilst holding a long black fuse that lead into the back of the room. In a short skirted scuffle, the man's roll-ups were confiscated and he was charged for flouting the capital offence of smoking in a public place - a new law introduced by King James I. The man had originally said his name was Benson O'Hedges but later confirmed his real identity was Guy Fawkes, a notorious Catholic counter-reformation blogger with an accuracy problem.
"We told Mr Fawkes that he was breaking the law and have taken him in for extensive questioning. If we have to break a few bones or legs to get answers, we will want to know why Mr Fawkes was acting irresponsibly," said one of the officials. "His majesty takes a very dim view of smoking and potatoes, two reasons why he has arrested Sir Walter Raleigh."
Fawkes says the smoking charge was a total stitch up and that the reason he was down there was to blow the place up. However a government official said this was 'impossible' and preferred to press charges on illegal smoking. Other members of the Fawkes-Raleigh gang are expected to be arrested soon and then executed..oh wait..put on trial and then executed.
- Staff "Man arrested for smoking in the Houses of Parliament". BBC, November 05, 2013