UnNews:Guy Fawkes's euro account to be 'stressed tested' today
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Guy Fawkes's euro account to be 'stressed tested' today
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Friday, July 1, 2016, 13:37:UTC)(
21 July 2011
FRANKFURT, GERMANY -- Staff at the main European Bank say they are 'relieved' after a man was arrested after he had been seen acting 'dodgy' for the last 7 years.
Identified by INTERPOL as 'Guido', 'Guy' or 'Greek' Fawkes, the costumed stranger had for years been harrassing the staff, claiming there was nothing wrong with his bank account. Though Fawkes's account had been consistently in the red, he claimed his account had been 'hacked' by the master criminal Rupert Blofeld, who Fawkes claimed was 'living inside an extinct volcano somewhere out in the ocean.'
I was in the black when I opened my account here, claimed Fawkes, but for years I had noticed money disappearing to pay for cat food and piranhas. I knew it had to be Blofeld.
The final straw for the bank was when Fawkes claimed he had hidden barrels of gunpowder and matches in a safe deposit cellar underneath the bank. The joint managers of the bank Nicolas Sarkozy and Angela Merkel had then decided Fawkes was clearly insane and had stopped him coming back inside. A spokesman for the bank said:
We will be going to check later tonight but there was a power cut a few hours ago. Luckily we have some Roman Candles to use (a present from our loyal customer Mr. Silvio Berlusconi) so we'll take those with us when go down stairs later to stress test Mr Fawkes's deposits.