UnNews:Gunfire near Arizona border blamed on Univisión
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
|This article is part of UnNews||Your source for up-to-the-microsecond misinformation.|
2 October 2012
GAZPACHO, Arizona -- One U.S. border guard was killed and another was injured near the Mexican border early this morning, in what is evidently another spontaneous reaction against American freedom of expression.
It was the first spontaneous peasant reaction since 11 September, when a crowd of poor Arab youths in Benghazi, Libya, armed with amateur shoulder-fired missile launchers, spontaneously killed and impulsively raped the American ambassador, which Barack Obama has called an unfortunate but measured reaction to a hurtful YouTube video. The United Nations, to which Mr. Obama delivered his remarks, is debating a resolution requiring member states to clamp down on hurtful freedom of expression. The resolution specifies especially harsh penalties for implying that the Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) ever advocated violence against unbelievers or mistreatment of girls and women.
This morning's violence is presumably a consequence of a recent interview on the Univisión network. There, subversives Jorge Ramos and Maria Elena Salinas confronted the President on his failure to deliver "comprehensive immigration reform." This resulted in Mr. Obama's admission that it is impossible to change the American government if one is merely an office-holder, such as the President. The remark has already been used by instigator Mitt Romney to whip up campaign crowds, and now seems to have led to bloodshed.
The American border agents received an alert from the electronic border "fence" and went to investigate on horseback, said Cochise County Sheriff's spokeswoman Carol Capas. A third agent was unharmed, and Ms. Capas added that "Teaching good marksmanship is a continuing responsibility." The FBI did not return a call from the Associated Press, presumably because agents were also out on horseback investigating the first incident.
It is not known whether the weapons used by the desperados were furnished by the U.S. government through the Fast And Furious program. Mr. Obama told Univisión this program was begun under President George W. Bush. "We simply removed the GPS trackers so we could let a bunch more guns walk across the border," Mr. Obama added. "We really are cutting government spending."
Contacted in a small trailer in Dallas, Texas where he was watering some potted plants, Mr. Bush, the last insider to fail to enact a program of favors, payments, and discounts contingent on jumping the border, said, "These Univisión guys are simply doing the work that American journalists won't do."
- Jacques Billeaud "Border Patrol agent shot, killed on patrol in Ariz". Associated Press, 2 October 2012
- "Insider" "TRANSCRIPT: President Obama’s Remarks at Univision Town Hall". Fox News, 20 September 2012