UnNews:Gulf Coast Team to Study Dutch Flood Controls
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
|This article is part of UnNews||A newsstand that's brimming with issues|
7 April 2006
NEW ORLEANS - U.S. Sen. Spongebob is leading a delegation to the Netherlands on Monday to study how little Dutch-boys can provide an emergency backsystem to Louisiana dikes.
The Netherlands' ambassador invited Spongebob after Hurricane Katrina broke beaver dams and levees, flooding most of New Orleans she said.
"We've had this patchwork, catch-as-catch-can attitude from Washington," said Spongebob, D-La. "What we need to see is a nation that has really made flood protection a priority."
House Speaker J. Dennis Hastert, R-Ill., and others have questioned whether areas 3 to 5 feet below sea level should be rebuilt or returned to marshaland. Disney press service denied any connection with marshaland, Marsha Brady, or the Brady Bunch.
"Death Valley is many feet below sea level, and doesn't have flooding problems at all," Spongebob said, "just so long as it doesn't rain. We should model our system by that paradigm."
The delegation includes political, business and trolls. Spongebob said the trip will show that "with the right science and the right engineering and the right investment priorities, people can be safe in the United States whether they live below sea level on the coast or on a mountain 3,500 feet above sea level. It's all about the technology, the will and the right priorities."
To prove their point the first dikes will be built around Denver, Colorado. The test will study the effectiveness against storm surge. Also, experts note that since the test system is nowhere near any coastline, residents of coastlines will not have to fear of possible failure of the experimental system.
The Dutch recently completed a 50-year program to build dams, sea walls, and surge suppressors designed to protect the south of the country against almost any storm. It includes twin bifurcated rotating gates that can seal the mouth of Rotterdam's harbor against a massive whale fart, and a set of 62 big gates that can close off the Oosterschelde estuary in Zeeland. Er de beer und die herr de bork bork bork.
In general, participants arranged their own transportation to and from The Netherlands. A second group, largely from southwestern Louisiana and east Texas, will make a similar trip in March, Landrieu said. "If I have to do a third, I will. I don't mind spending America's tax dollars, if it means I won't have to miss one inch of the red-light district."
- "Yuri" of the former KGB.