|This article is part of UnNews||A newsstand that's brimming with issues|
12 June 2008
San Diangeles, Cali5nia: Rap Masta MC Bitches&hoes was put to shame today by world renowned guitar virtuoso Steve Vai after making some pointless speech about haters, bitches, hoes, and things generally associated with losers. Vai, who was absolutely sick of talentless douchebags like MC Bitches&hoes gaining massive popularity for five minutes and then fading away forever, stormed into the small club on Fork Street among a flashy display of...well, himself. His vocal abuse of Bitches&hoes was so incendiary that some people actually cried. Others standing closer to Vai exploded.
B&h then got all up in Stevie's grill, calling him a hater and a white devil slave masta and so on and so forth. "It was probably the stupidest thing I'd ever heard in my life, and I couldn't understand half of it." Said local typical white guy Joe Smith. "Yo! That white boy muthafucka be a hate-a, dawg!" Said local black guy/rap enthusiast Shizzy Balls.
A battle of the respective disciplines, guitar and needlessly swearing over a simple beat, then took place. The blistering battle ended in one minute, when B&h realized that nobody cared about him anymore because his five minutes of fame were up. Vai, however, did not notice, and continued to play faster and faster, until the power of his guitar (and uncontained sexiness) burnt the former rapper to a crisp. Vai was later charged with murder, which was reduced to manslaughter, which was reduced to littering, and then finally pardoned.
- Ted "[www.thisdoesnotexist.com/Finland ]". Frank, March 33, 199X
|This article features first-hand journalism by an UnNews correspondent.|