UnNews:Guardian to spend £9m proving PM ‘tax evasion’
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Guardian to spend £9m proving PM ‘tax evasion’
Every time you think, you weaken the nation —Moe Howard
Friday, August 18, 2017, 18:08:UTC)(
6 April 2016
LONDON -- The Guardian newspaper is to spend more than £9m of their tax-free trust fund sending a leaflet to every United Kingdom household, setting out the case for proving British Prime Minister David Cameron, or at least anybody loosely associated with him, has benefited from investing in tax-evading offshore accounts.
The 14 page document, to be sent to 27 million homes in the UK, is designed to garner public support to the Guardian’s demand for the PM to admit he is dodgy with money, like FIFA, UEFA and Russian President Vladimir Putin. Facing calls to explain his family's finances, the Prime Minister declared he has "no shares, no offshore trusts, (or) no offshore funds".
However, the Guardian is unsatisfied with such a straightforward answer, especially after all their hard work. The newspaper insists that at a time when the multibillion-pound tax-dodging racket of the super-rich, fox-hunting Eton elite is all over the media, it is absurd to accept that the ‘champagne-guzzling Tory multi-millionaire’ has only ever been a salaried career politician.
With panic rising in the newsroom, the Guardian questioned Cameron’s ex. Eton ‘fag’, Boris Johnson, over whether he had any money offshore however, the London Mayor merely replied: “I wish.” Turning to the PM’s late father’s ‘overseas company’ Blairmore — overseas meaning Ireland and company meaning something like McDonalds or Ryanair — the Guardian accused Cameron of repeated failures to provide a full account of his relationship with his forebear.
In order to provide further clarity to the hard-of-hearing broadsheet, a Downing Street spokesman said: “Read my lips… there are no offshore funds/trusts which the prime minister, Mrs Cameron or their children will benefit from in the future,” however, the newspaper was quick to point out that No. 10 did not comment on whether any of Mr Cameron’s pet gerbils were benefiting from the family business.
Smelling a rat, the Guardian has withdrawn £9 million from the Scott Trust, an £850 million tax-exempt trust fund raised from the sale of sister publications, to produce a 14 page leaflet to be delivered to every home in the UK. The hope is to engage the British public in putting pressure on Mr Cameron to admit he is his father’s son, and therefore a tax-dodger by proxy.
The leaflet will also encourage the public to put the prime minister under pressure to admit he did not do enough as a child to prevent the family business being run in a ‘tax haven’; or at least ‘off the UK coast’ which, according to reliable news source Wikipedia, is apparently where lower tax bills have been widely available for hundreds of years.
- Andrew Sparrow "Panama Papers: Labour says Cameron still not answering key offshore fund questions - live updates". The Guardian, April 06, 2016
- Jamie Grierson, Rowena Mason and Ewen MacAskill "David Cameron and family 'will not gain from offshore funds in future'". The Guardian, April 06, 2016
- James Landale "EU referendum: Government to spend £9m on leaflets to every home". BBC News, April 06, 2016