UnNews:Grim Reaper Karl Malden drops dead

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Jump to: navigation, search
Grim Reaper Karl Malden drops dead

Straight talk, from straight faces

UnNews Logo Potato
Wednesday, March 21, 2018, 01:22:59 (UTC)

F iconNewsroomAudio (staff)Foolitzer Prize

Feed-iconIndexesRandom story

13 July 2009


Karl Malden, in a photograph taken by Trump moments before Malden's untimely plunge.

TRUMP TOWER, NEW YORK -- After only a few days on the job, Academy Award-winning actor and current Grim Reaper Karl Malden has died. He was 97.

The full details are not known at the moment, but employer Donald Trump claims that Malden was walking along the edge of his high rise apartment at Trump Tower when he fell over the railing and dropped 50 stories to his death. The testimonies of Trump's Mexican cleaning staff that Trump pushed Malden over the edge has not been taken into account by the authorities.

Meanwhile, Trump gathered a press conference to announce his new Grim Reaper, Viacom Nazi Sumner Redstone. Redstone stated that he would "enjoy causing more good things to come to an end and/or go in the crapper."

In other news, Satan, laughing, spreads his wings. Remarking on Redstone's new position, Satan spoke, "Well, yes, Sumner and I are very close, so, yes, I'll enjoy seeing him put to the test." The comment comes after a recent banner month for the legions of Hell, especially involving the crushing of popular movements in the Middle East and Latin America.

For more on the latest, check out UnNews.

edit Sources

Associated Press "Oscar-winning actor Karl Malden dies at 97". MSNBC, July 1, 2009

UnNews Logo Potato
UnNews Senior Editors are currently inserting left-wing bias into this related article:

Oscar-winning actor Karl Malden selected as new Grim Reaper

UnNews Logo Potato
UnNews Senior Editors are currently lawyering up over this related article:

Grim Reaper commits suicide after massive week of celebrity deaths

UnNews Logo Potato
UnNews Senior Editors are currently furiously fact-checking this related article:

News runs out

Personal tools