UnNews:Greek oracle disgusted at America, years of destruction ahead
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
|This article is part of UnNews||Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?|
30 September 2008
DELPHI, Greece - Just over six months ago the ancient and all-powerful oracle announced a grim outlook on the American Stock Market. The oracle warned that a massive plummet would occur within the next eight months. However, the idiotic Americans decided that they would not heed the warning of the great Greek oracle, and instead spit in the faces of all Greeks. What a poor mistake they had made...
Pythia, the all-powerful, oracle has unleashed its wrath upon the imbeciles of America by speeding up the process of the American Stock Market collapse, throwing America into an endless spiral of economic crisis that will last for 100 years without cease! You think 777 is a massive number? You will be seeing numbers in the thousands and ten thousands! Feel the wrath of our gods puny America! You will not live through this onslaught!
The Stock Market will plunge into nothingness and the DOW will go into the massive negative numbers before this is over! America, I hope you have learned your lesson! Never disobey the wise and powerful oracle! Disease and famine will be plagued over your land, and millions of your people will flee to the hospitality of Canada, unleashing the plague over borders.
We will rain fire over your once great empire, and your money will turn to ashes as you watch your entire world burn! Never again will you spit in the face of the Oracle! This is the word of the oracle, and the oracle hath spoken!
|This article features first-hand journalism by an UnNews correspondent.|