|This article is part of UnNews||Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?|
29 January 2010
ATHENS, Greece -- Greek politicians feel a surge of envy these days whenever they consider the enormous sums of money the world is sending to Haiti as aid for rebuilding the country. Facing their own disastrous budget Greece would definitely prefer its EU neighbours to send their spare Euros due south to their needy fellow Europeans.
In an interview with UnNews, Greek minister of economic affairs Stavros Insolveou said that Greece's budget emergency is sort of a natural disaster itself. "The hole in our budget is so large that the Athens metropolitan area might disappear in it any day. We desperately need humanitarian help."
If this line of reasoning does not succeed, more radical measures might follow. Greece possesses a number of more or less active volcanoes and areas of tectonic unrest which need just a little encouragement. This could trigger earthquakes at least equal to the Caribbean disaster - and what's more, the numbers on the Richter scale are only numbers, and Greece has unique number manipulation skills. This was last proven when Greece presented its qualification for the Euro currency. Therefore it should be easy to take advantage of the world's current donating mood.
However, if the money does not flow in fast enough, the country has some more creative ideas to find funding. Greece has thousands of islands, so it should be no problem to spare some of them and sell them to other interested nations. Germany is a likely candidate for buying Crete, since the country has recent experience in incorporating new provinces into its territory. And Crete has many things Germany is currently lacking, for example culture, sunshine and nice people.
- Anthony Alto "Greeks take a tip from Haiti, plan their own disasterous earthquake". AA Newsletter, January 29, 2010