UnNews:Greece finally gets it right
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Greece finally gets it right
UnFair and UnBalanced
Tuesday, August 22, 2017, 18:59:UTC)(
29 June 2015
Previous rounds (or tranches) in the five-year saga, in which Greece begs for fresh new money from banks and European governments with which to pay off the old borrowings, have been inconclusive. Greece would promise the three-headed "Troika" monster that it would implement reforms, the crispy banknotes would push out of the little slot, and then Parliament would refuse to make the reforms. None of the reforms themselves ever affected the luxurious payments to the Greeks who refuse to work, who no longer work, or who work in government keeping other Greeks from working. Experts say that would be painful "austerity." Greece has only ever achieved higher taxes on the exact people who might create work — the exact "IMF method" that has America under Obama anticipating a Summer of Recovery for the seventh straight summer.
Now, however, Greek has a Socialist government even less willing to be pushed around by foreigners wanting their money back. In a dramatic twist, Prime Minister Alexis Tsipras announced that the new round of reforms would go to referendum next Sunday, so that voters themselves could stiff the foreigners.
The wording of the referendum is expected to be, "Do you wish to wreck the country with a new round of debt?" The other check-mark is for "Do you wish to wreck the country with a new money that no one in his right mind would use?"
Unfortunately, this variety of bait-and-switch was too obvious, and the bankers walked out of the room. Now, anyone in Greece who might have been doing useful work is either arguing with his neighbor about how to vote next Sunday, or lined up in front of an ATM trying to get some of his money out, or planning to rob pedestrians, most of whom have their life savings in their pockets. Oldsters who do not have ATM cards and who don't believe that the government would really close all the banks for the entire week are lined up waiting for the doors to open. For the kids, the Greek government is putting some of the remaining euros into the ATMs and letting citizens withdraw €60 a day so that they don't starve, as there will be plenty of time for that later. Greeks who have emergency needs, such as medicine from abroad, can go before a government committee.
Former US President Jimmy Carter, who previously ruled that Hugo Chavez had been re-elected in Venezuela in a "free and fair" election, said that Greece can hold a fair campaign even when the government confiscates voters' money and tells them how to vote.
The lucrative tourist season is beginning, and vacationers are being promised the memorable experience of being in a large city in a banana republic during a military coup. The currency controls will not affect foreigners' credit cards, making them the best robbery targets of all. However, there is heavy police protection on most streets of Athens, with the diligence that can only be provided by officers who all expect their next paycheck to bounce.
European economic planners are lamenting that a continent-wide economic union would have been so pretty, especially if achieved at someone else's expense.
- Elena Becatoros "Pensioners queue outside Greek banks amid withdrawal limits". Associated Press, June 29, 2015