UnNews:Grass found to be greener on the other side
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Grass found to be greener on the other side
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Thursday, February 23, 2017, 11:51:UTC)(
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Dr peter Scnozzling, a prominent heckler and member of the institute of Random research in Canterbury, New Zealand said the discovery was made by accident whilst investigating the possibility of crop phenomonons such as weird squiggly patterns.
According to Dr Scnozzling the grass was found to be up to tens times more green than grass on our side. He believes this unusual occurrence may be due to the fact there is nothing to watch on tuesday nights on TV.
"The discovery has many implications in the farming industry" Dr Scnozzling may have said, "Everything we held to be true will now have to be re-evaluated following this discovery. Farmers may find they have to move their cows to the other side of the fence which could cause all sorts of problems in the long term".
The news has startled many experts who until now always held to the commonly held view that grass on the other side was an off tinge brown. The Prime number Minister of agriculture and social drug intergration, Sir Edmund Hilltop, urged the scientific community to remain calm until further experiments such as smoking some of the grass could be carried out.
"There's no point in getting excited just yet" Sir Hilltop said in a woozy and suspicious sounding voice. "what we need to do is stay calm and take a pill. If the discovery proves to be accurate I want in on the groundfloor". When asked to elaborate Sir Hilltop threatened the reporter with obstructing his right to be glib and stormed out of the massage parlour where he was being interviewed.
The Sharemarket abruptly dropped then went sideways before settling in for the night with a coffee when the news broke earlier today. A spokesman for Cows claimed that the news was exciting and hoped the fences would be torn down very soon so the cows could enjoy the benefits that green grass has on their largely carnivorous diet.
Until recently the other side of the fence has been mostly theoretical stabs in the dark (leading to several convictions).