UnNews:Governor Rod Blagojevich accused of stealing Nick Nack's hair-do
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Governor Rod Blagojevich accused of stealing Nick Nack's hair-do
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Monday, June 27, 2016, 16:56:UTC)(
9 December 2008
SPRINGFIELD, Illinois (UNN) -- Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich was arrested this morning by the FBI on charges of corruption, including attempted to sell President-elect Barack Obama's vacant Senate seat to the highest bidder on eBay, and on a second charge of stealing Nick Nack's hair-do. Nick Nack is a notable villain from the James Bond film The Man With The Golden Gun, played by multiple Academy Award-winning actor Hervé Villechaize.
At a press conference held by the United States Attorney for Northern Illinois, the accusations were made public. Blagojevich was recorded on a wire tap saying things such as:
|“||I don't want that motherfucker Villechaize knowing that I ripped off his style. This hair-do is a fucking valuable thing. I'm not telling anybody which fuckin' shampoo and conditioner I use to maintain it. You wanna know? Pay me. Show me the Benjamins.||”|
The Governor's office would not comment on such accusations. When reached for comment, the Governor was unavailable, being in the barbershop awaiting his turn to get his hair and nails done.
The office of the President-elect issued a statement on the situation:
|“||President-elect Obama wishes Governor Blagojevich only the best for his upcoming term in prison.||”|
The President-elect also reportedly said off camera, "Thank God I got the fuck out of Illinois in time. Woo-wee."
- Breaking News: Blagojevich is fucked 9 December 2008