UnNews:Gov. Romney's Obama Assassination 'Almost successful'
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Gov. Romney's Obama Assassination 'Almost successful'
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Thursday, December 8, 2016, 06:04:UTC)(
3 December 2012
MONTREAL, Qubec -- In an interview conducted by UnNews, Ubisoft officials confessed that Mitt Romney "almost succeeded" in getting US President Barack Obama assassinated.
Assassinated in that video game series about assassinations, anyway. Ubisoft officials, who did give us their names which we will not bother to display, said that while taking in fan inputs during the Assassin Creed 3's development, one fan had suggested that the game's modern-day protagonist Desmond Miles be tasked with assassinating the President of the United States as he was a Templar. The developers were pretty interested in the idea, but backed out after the same fan insisted the president be as "authentic" as possible. Routine harassment by the fan, who often resorted to threats and showing off, completely put off the Assassin's Creed 3 team and hence the President of the United States never figured on Desmond Miles' agenda.
Sometime after the 2012 elections, the officials discovered that this "fan" was actually George Romney, Mitt Romney's son who had been acting at his father's behest in order to win over potential gamer votes.
"It was pretty admirable, actually," went on one of the officials, "With the way this game was so closely tied in with American history and the patriotic streak shown in the marketing, such a ploy would have gotten the entire gaming community's attention. Unfortunately, George blew it by trying too hard. This should be a lesson to all future fans with powerful connections who try to manipulate our products for their own gain- WE DON'T CARE!"
|This article features first-hand journalism by an UnNews correspondent.|