UnNews:Gorok Invent Fire
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Gorok Invent Fire
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Monday, January 23, 2017, 12:54:UTC)(
26 July 2006
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CAVES BY RIVER (Reuters) -- Gorok, a member of the proto-hominid tribe residing in the Caves down by the big river, invented fire yesterday. Reporters at the scene say the invention, based partially on a naturally occurring phenomenon, transforms wood and dried foliage into a source of heat and light, and may be used to make previously toxic substances like raw meat suitable for consumption.
According to Gorok, "This is the culmination of many years of research, both theoretical and material. I've extensively studied similar effects created by lightning strikes and volcanos, but until now there was no way to consistently create fire on demand and manipulate it for the benefit of the tribe."
The key to Gorok's invention appears to be related to an effect observed when two pieces of flint are struck together. Flint is a massive, somewhat impure variety of quartz, usually gray to brown or nearly black. When struck, a friction reaction results in hot sparks flying off. Gorok struck the sparks into an empty bird nest lightly coated with tar, which created smoke, then flame. Gorok's small fire-making kit is completely portable, and once the fire is started, it only needs additional dried vegetation to be maintained.
"The reaction is slow to start," comments Gorok, "However, applying air to the interaction, either by blowing or fanning, does accelerate the process leading to a functional fire."
Members of Gorok's tribe are pleased with the young inventor's success, although they are concerned about possible negative consequences from having a fire so close to homes and where young children play.
One tribe member noted, "The fire is very hot, and that's wonderful for food preparation. It also appears to keep predators such as wolves away. But if you touch it the chances of getting a severe burn are very high. Small children are particularly attracted to the light and movement of the fire, and you have to watch them constantly to keep them out of it."
Muroot, the Elder of the Tribe, was unavailable for comment, but has released an official statement saying that he was being advised about the fire, and is currently reviewing his possible options for containing, controlling or banning the fire completely.
Gorok dismissed any rumors of banning his invention. "This really is the wave of the future," he said. "You can't 'un-kill' the buffalo. If we don't continue to develop it, then it's just a matter of time before somebody from another tribe, maybe even the one over by the tar pits, discovers and develops it on their own."