UnNews:Gorillas flee Rwanda protectorate as Paris Hilton threatens goodwill visit
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Gorillas flee Rwanda protectorate as Paris Hilton threatens goodwill visit
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Monday, March 27, 2017, 18:25:UTC)(
29 September 2007
KIGALI, Rwanda -- Thousands of endangered species list mammals including the fabled Rwandan gorillas are preparing to flee their World Wildlife Fun protectorate sanctuaries following the announcement that pointless peroxide celeb Paris Hilton is staging a visit to the African country.
"Like whatever... I'm just like trying to get some attention like Brangellina and like their retarded hobo children," Hilton said today.
"Maybe i can even make a sex video with one of them like monkeys, I've like done it with hairy guys before" Hilton continued.
"Like you don't know where I can like stick a banana."
But Rwanda's Ministry of Animal Welfare in Kigali reported that over 2,000 of the country's endangered gorillas had been seen fleeing over the border to the People's Democratic Republic of Congo "rather than provide a sick side-show for this LA poster-child for sleaze," according to diplomatic sources. Some have even taken out pre-emptive sexual assault charges against Ms. Hilton.
Hilton's PR aides however would not be put off by the news and stated that their client "wants to visit more countries where poverty and children's issues are a big headline-grabber.
"Ms Hilton knows there's a lot of good publicity going begging just by getting involved in a photo shoots with impoverished Africans and dumb animals."