UnNews:Gore climate plea to US and China
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Gore climate plea to US and China
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Tuesday, October 25, 2016, 23:04:UTC)(
11 December 2007
Oslo, Sweden - Former US Vice-President Al Gore has urged the world's two biggest emitters of greenhouse gases, the US and China, to work together on climate change. “Top scientists inform me that the first Ice Age about a few million years ago was triggered by the collision of North and South America which created the Isthmus of Panama. They also inform me that it was this very isthmus that disrupted the oceans and allowed moist air to travel to the North Pole which resulted in an ice age. This snow then reflected sunlight back to the darkest reaches of space and helped to cool the planet through some process known as the erm, ‘’Albino Effect’’… or something like that. Whatever happened, this is the answer to Global Warming”
Receiving the Nobel Peace Prize in Oslo, Mr Gore said in his speech: “I thereby give the people of Planet Earth two options. One: paint everything white. Even the Black People. Two: Break up another ocean to spark an Ice Age, drop the temperature and save the world. If it gets too cold, we can just knock it down or burn some mosques." Mr Gore then went on to add "The Earth has a fever and it’s time for Benylin. I know it’s a long shot and like everything I’ve ever fought for, it's never really been scientifically proven, but what have we got to lose? This is a planetary emergency.”
Under a new revolutionary scheme, Gore will campaign to set up one of the biggest engineering feats the world has ever seen: the Aleutian Barrier. “I know it’s a massive project, but climate change is also a massive threat to mankind.” Al Gore was the first to admit that joining up South America and Africa was a big ask, although the only feasible option with the technology available to us today is to block the Bering Sea. Russia have already made it clear that they wish to waste no money on such a project. President Putin told the Kremlin yesterday “We prefer to capture dioxide of carbon emission in big tank, stick in big rocket and send off into space. No more threat. No more problem.”
With Gore losing support from Russia, he is now urging the United States who own the Aleutian Islands to join forces with the Chinese who are world renowned for being the world's best at building walls (see Great Wall of China and Hadrian's Wall). It is believed that two great superpowers knocking heads together may be able to save the world from widespread thirst, flooding, soddamy, etc.
The chairman of Mr Gore's co-laureate, the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change, said “We will do everything in our power to help Al build the world’s largest causeway from Alaska to Russia. If the Russians don’t like it then we will divert it all the way to Kyoto, home of Global Warming. We don’t need their commie pro-warmth argumentatives.” The Aleutian Islands, a long chain of volcanic islands are ideally placed for being the foundations of such a giant land link. “Fair enough, there may be a lot less potatoes but it’s a sacrifice we all have to live with. Look on the bright side; even if it doesn’t work, people don’t have to get the plane to America which will cut carbon emissions by at least 46% over the next decade.”