UnNews:Gordon Brown haunted by past relationships
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24 July 2008
“It took me just back to old times, when a full bottle of superglue meant the start of a good night.”
LONDON, UK -- Prompted by a deep fit of jealousy over his recent election victory, or perhaps simply an inability to resist those beautiful brown eyes, a past lover of Gordon Brown's has taken it upon himself to show the world just how much darling Gordon means to him.
Their initial relationship seemed doomed to failure. After a violent dispute over policy, the couple's relationship deteriorated sharply, eventually coming to an end in the summer of 2006. Speaking emotionally at the time, Gordon said that Dan 'had never loved him' and was 'just a casual screw anyway', while fighting back tears and putting on his best sorrow-ridden expression for the cameras.
Until this week, the couple had not spoken since, citing creative differences and emotional pain. However, Dan took it upon himself to meet his beloved again, perhaps feeling that he had spent just too long without the special kind of loving that only a dour Scotsman can give. Wanting to show his affection in a unique and memorable way, he glued the lucky man to his hand, making sure that there was no escape.
Shocked by the first sexual advance to be made on him since 1972, Mr Brown was not available for comment, simply getting his press team to tell the public that 'nothing really happened'. Whether this will have negative consequences for his relationship with darling Tony, already strained after the two effected a rather dramatic power switch in their relationship last summer, remains to be seen.