UnNews:Google to move to an asteroid to avoid taxes
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Google to move to an asteroid to avoid taxes
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Wednesday, January 18, 2017, 14:29:UTC)(
24 January 2014
MOUNTAIN VIEW, California -- Since NASA scientists predicted an asteroid might pass near to Earth within the next few months, Google has taken steps to make sure they can make the most of this valuable opportunity. Google plans to adjust the trajectory of the asteroid so that it only scrapes past the Earth — while flattening Japan, whose economy is in direct competition with the U.S.
With the recent pre-release of Google Glass, the public eye has once again turned its gaze towards Google. This causes problems because Google is a prolific tax dodger, which could anger the public. Angry Internet users would spell disaster for Google, because such an event might tempt people to google “Google” — which would break the internet.
Google CEO Larry Page saw the need to protect his right to dodge millions in taxes. He first googled how to make a rocket, and then googled some rocket scientists to bring about a near-miss from the approaching asteroid, thus diverting the attention away from the sneaky tax-dodging tactics he is employing. This evidence came to light when his wife, Lucinda Southworth, did her weekly internet history check. Among all his Bing searches — "girls in my area" and “internet code for dummies” — she found his attempts at planning the initial stages necessary to move an asteroid.
A member of the senior management team at Google HQ here, speaking on condition of anonymity, said, "Asteroid? What asteroid? I don't know about any asteroid."
The project will only be unveiled later this year. Until then, readers might order in extra sushi because supplies may come to an abrupt end.
|This article features first-hand journalism by an UnNews correspondent.|